Easily Amused Ramblings

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2011-10-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

Since I only have one reader, I will use this post to tell him about the oldest member of our family. Poor Granny! She fell yesterday and has a broken nose, broken shoulder/arm, neither of which the doctor can do anything about because of their locations and 9 stiches in her lip! She is bruised and battered. And poor Auntie is tired! She tripped over the sidewalk and faceplanted in the side of the car.

The only good thing is she probably cant remember how she fell! Poor, poor Granny!

The end of youth!

2011-09-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

Today Smirk has moved from a student in her prime of her youth to a burgeoning working stiff like the rest of the grown ups! She got a job! A real job!!!

Finally after applying everywhere, someone finally hired her! We have filled out more applications on company websites than there are birds in the sky! Every store in the mall, all of the big box stores, restaurants, warehouses, security companies. Everything that we could find, she filled out an application! This was the first time she even got a call back.

Not only did she get a call back, she got an interview. Then yesterday she got the call for a second interview. Today she had the interview and they said they would call next week. She got home and about an hour later, she had an email stating she had been hired. There was an offer letter and a link to start paperwork!

So on Wednesday at 11am, Smirk will be starting at one of my favorite stores...

Employee discount here we come!!!!

Ennui

2011-07-18T14:17:00.001-07:00

Hello all,
Today as with the past weekend we at the amused house are feeling a bit melancholic. Friday marked the end of an era for us and many around the world. I refer to the Harry Potter Phenomenon.
When these fantastic books came out, Grin and Smirk were 5 & 8. We did not start reading them until 1999 when they were 7 & 10. But wow are we glad we did. Ever since then they have been immersed in the wizarding world. I would read the books out loud to them and their friends using different accents for each voice. Before the movies we would frantically wait up for the book release parties at local Barnes and Nobles, then when the movies started coming we would wait and see them at the midnight showings. This final one was no different! Grin and Prince Ali camped out on Wed night as the line had been set up since SUNDAY! They stayed in a tent and Smirk and I joined them in the wait on Thursday afternoon. The line was crazy, people were dressed in costumes, but they were good natured and most were having an amazing time.
When the movie finally started, we were left breathless and most in the theater were crying. At one point Grin waved for a tissue, as did Grin's friend. Smirk had them on her lap and she kept handing them to me. And all of a sudden, someone tapped me on the shoulder and reached their hand down in the traditional wave and asked for a tissue... Total stranger, but did we say anything, nope... Just handed them up!

There is one thing to be said for this young generation... We have had Gen X, Gen Y, Baby Boomers and all have their trademark. This generation has got to be named Gen I. If there is one thing they all have in common is imagination. What other group of people could bond so adeptly with a book. These are fiercely loyal kids. They have embraced JK Rowlings vision of a fantasy world with vigor and complete abandon. Groups have started Quidditch as a sport in colleges and schools. People write fan fiction (actual website.. pretty amazing too... fanfiction.net) where these ingenious people write their own alternative stories to popular tv shows, books, etc. They do this because the either don't like the ending or have so much talent that they think of things that should have happened but did not get included in the book.

There is a new book, it wont have the same impact as Harry Potter, but it is very highly regarded. I have read it and it is very good. It is called the Hunger Games. It is a trilogy that will be made into a movie. It is about a girl who is reaped into the Hunger Games, a murderous sport that takes place in North America after it has crumbled. She prevails and shows the authority that the people are not going to go easy and just kill for their personal sport. It is a great message and fantastically written book. But yet again, the creative talent of Gen I have expanded on that. There is a web game, that is the Hunger Games. Those wishing to play put their names in to a random number generator. If they are chosen, they are give a district, then a mentor, then troll for sponsors, just like the books. Grin has been chosen and last night she had to make her first decision... Does she kill one person or two? Does she form an alliance and she should choose carefully...

While this does personify violence, so many things in our world to do, this also teaches them to show loyalty, and work for a common goal. Grin has formed an alliance with several people and they are working together to win... In short, teamwork and strategy...

I am very sad that Harry Potter has ended and thus symbolizing that my own brood are now entering adulthood, but at the same time, I cannot wait to see what the future can hold for these talented, creative and amazing people of the Generation Imagination.

Today in history....

2011-07-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Did you know that July 12 is a that will go down in history?? It is already historically amazing...
In 1389 Geoffrey Chaucer became chief clerk of the Court of Richard II.

1861 saw Wild Bill Hickock in his first shoot out, he shot 3 men in a duel in Nebraska.

In 1957 Eisenhower became the first president to ride in a helicopter.

Geraldine Ferraro became the first woman vice presidential candidate in 1984.

Angelina Jolie gave birth to twins in 2008.
Grin Got Her Driver's License!!!

Amazing isn't it!!!! She passed first time out!! She got 9 marks off, mainly not being able to back up in a straight line and not sufficiently looking while doing said backing up, but she PASSED!!! We are all so very happy!!!

All things considered...

2011-06-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in my office, bored out of my skull, I think back to the All Things considered story I heard on the way home the other day. Side rant.... Yes, I listen to NPR and I watch PBS. But I am not old and I also listen to Rap, Pop, Country, Classic Rock and Classical music... This does not make me old but it makes me well informed and cultured.... Side rant over...

I was listening to NPR's All Things Considered. Interesting tidbits on the news topics of the day. This particular interview was with Tom Hanks, who was speaking about his new movie, Larry Crown. This upcoming release if you haven't heard anything about it, is about a man who gets fired for not going to college. So Larry goes back to college. It looks to be a rom com. And it could be funny, Mr. Hanks is funny! Julia Roberts is a great actress.... Not sure I am running out and paying $12 to see it, but could be a good video rent eventually.

Anyway Tom was asked the question "If you hadn't made it into the movies, what would you be doing?" He told this very sweet story of the Circle Line in New York City. The Circle Line is a sightseeing cruise that goes around the NY harbor. The story was of an old tour guide who told the story to the passengers of days in the past when the Maxwell House coffee factory was in production on the Jersey side of the river and the winds would blow making most of lower Manhattan smell of coffee. Tom said that just for a moment, this man's story was so consuming you could almost smell that coffee right there on the river. That would be the kind of job Tom Hanks would be doing if he wasn't a world famous actor. He thought he would like to be a docent in a museum or a operator on a sightseeing boat.

This story got me to thinking... If I could just ditch it all right now, what would I want to do? The options are limitless. I know I would love to work in a museum, like the Met or Le Louvre. Or a gardener at Versaille. Or maybe a tour guide on a bus tour of Italy, Greece or France. How about a winemaker in a chateau in Burgandy. Ski patrol in the Alps? Lifeguard on a beach in Positano? Blackjack dealer in Monaco? Snorkel washer at a resort in Vanuatu? Nature photographer who gets to travel the world to take pictures of well, everything?

What would you do, if you had no limitations, no worries and no responsibilities?

Scents...

2011-06-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Does a smell ever make you think of things long ago or even a happy event. I know that if I smell baby powder, I smile. If I smell wet sagebrush and honeysuckle I think of summertime in the fields behind my house growing up. When I first moved back to Southern California after high school this area was certainly different than it is now.

Moving back almost 25 years ago, driving through Irvine was pleasant, it smelled of oranges, strawberries and eucalyptus trees. As the years went on and urban sprawl took over the oranges and strawberries became fewer and fewer. About 5 years ago, driving through Irvine you could smell the overwhelming scent of eucalyptus and freshly sown manured dirt.

Now when you drive through Irvine in the heat of the day, you have to hold your breath. It smells of stale stir fry oil, fish and bad chinese food...

Now I realize this post makes me sound ridiculously old in a "I can remember the good old days" granny voice, but I really do remember the good old days when you didnt have to hold your breath for a mile just to get to work without throwing up your morning coffee... I never thought I would wish for the smell of vicks and cow poop during my morning commute!

Southern Gentility!

2011-06-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Grin and Smirk went to Los Angeles. Their mission was to find something to wear to the Harry Potter premiere next Thursday at midnight. So they trolled around the thrift shops and found nothing... Saddened, hot and hungry they returned home. I fixed them dinner, and we sat basking in the breeze of the fan. One of their friends arrived at the house. Lets call him Prince Ali. He wanted assistance writing a song. Grin was sitting on the floor computering, she had sufficiently rested and had been fed. So Prince Ali burst into the room and said Grin, meet me upstairs in your room, I need your help! and he proceeds to run up the stairs.

Grin jumps up and does a little half skip in the air, puts her hand to her lips and in the most exaggerated southern accent says "Oh my, a gentlemen caller!!" Then runs up the stairs!

Smirk and I burst out laughing so hard that Grin almost falls down the stairs as we startled her....

I sometimes wish we could have our own reality show, just for priceless moments like that!

Reading people's minds?

2011-06-23T15:16:00.000-07:00

Hello dear readers, also known as my father and auntie... Although since it has been so long, they may have given up on me...

Today's post is a mild rant on people... Why are people sooooo strange? As you both know, I have a new job. Fun stuff, working for a guy I dont like, doing things that are so boring I can barely keep awake in the office. I am promised each day there will be more, but that has yet to materialize. Today something came into my inbox and it read like a bad grammar sentence used to teach small children how not to write.

I think the person doing the writing believed I could read his mind in the words he typed.

Literally, here is what he wrote

Please filter this by Socal only then filter by q2 and then send it out to all Dealer IAE’s and ISM. CC xxx, xxx and myself

Along with this go into the closed door list and list the most recent doors termed and say this are the dealer that should in process to archive contracts

Sounds easy right??? And trust me I know how to use excel and filters and all of that, but... There is no list, no filter that would show me Socal, no closed door list, no most recent doors termed... In otherwords, I am supposed to magically jump inside his head and figure it out...Oh and when questioned, he is too busy to tell me what he wants and we will discuss tomorrow.

So again another day with no work, no projects, no fun, just sitting in the office counting down the minutes until I can bolt out the door and go home.

By the way, I really miss my living room and the fun I had working from my couch! I hope both of my readers are well and now that I have nothing to do during the day, maybe I can post more! Tomorrow, a Grin story to laugh at!

ok, I know it has been a while....

2009-11-06T16:06:00.001-08:00

But now I have something fabulous to post!!

Grin was in a play and a choir concert!

Singing....... Singing.............Singing...... Singing..... Singing........Dead woman in a play!

Isnt she pretty!!!

Even they dont want me...

2009-07-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

I am starting to get a complex... First I cant find a man and now even a JURY doesnt want me. I got called for jury duty and was excited. I want to be on a jury, I want to see how things work... I got called up to the panel and was so hopeful as I made it through day one of jury selection and today, the stupid defense attorney dismissed me... It was a murder case and would have been fascinating but nooooo stupid woman decided that I wouldnt be sympathetic towards her client.... Now I am sad! Its not fair... Over half the people in the room really just wanted to go home. Half the people up on the panel wanted to be out of there, but me... no... Sad... Oh well, someday maybe!

I new the economy was in bad shape....

2009-07-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

This week when I took my foray into the City of Angels, I had to drive to pick up one of my co workers at one of the stores we manage for the National Cellular Phone Company we work for. He was there with our boss and I was going to drive him back to his car, so the boss could take the big boss to the airport. Coworker and I got into my car, the convertible, and started driving down Sunset blvd. We stopped at a signal and were chatting when suddenly a homeless man came to my window and asked

"Sister, can you spare a hundred?"

A HUNDRED?? Seriously?? I don't even have a five I could spare, but now inflation has even hit the homeless? I mumbled sorry and stepped on the gas... We were cracking up so hard... A hundred.. I remember when they asked for a quarter. But now with the cost of living rising, the homeless must be feeling it too..

But then I wondered, wait what has gone up for the homeless?? Has the rent on his cardboard box gone up? Does he have to pay for a space rental on the box like you do in a mobile home park? Has the cost of flip flops at the salvation army store on the corner gone up? Or the store brand hooch? Has that increased in price, I mean, I know I can get a bottle of wine for $4 so I am assuming some vodka or tequila cant be that much more for the cheap stuff? I mean, I realize he is in Hollywood, but seriously... A Hundred????

Sleepy... Need Caffeine... Send help

2009-07-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

I am an idiot! I had fun, but I am stupid! My 24 hours of insanity started yesterday morning at 6:30am. I got up, worked out, started my working at 7am. I rushed around making sure things were perfect for my boss and our big boss who was out visiting our stores in the city of angels. I emailed, I did reports, normal day, no big deal. Then at 5pm, I stopped working and put on the mom hat, didn't feel like cooking so we went and got Chinese....But at 8pm, the insanity started... The girls and I jumped into the car with the Grin's friends and drove to the movie theater... Jumped out of the car and ran to our spot in the queue starting form around the side of the building...

Can you tell what is coming yet??

We sat with other crazed individuals, some in costume, some in PJ's, most sitting on the ground...There were board games out and cards flowing and people eating, laughing, having a great time....

Do you know what it is yet???

So at 11pm, we are still in line, but management has told us it will be another half hour and we can go in!!!

In to what you ask??? THE MIDNIGHT SHOW OF HARRY POTTER!

How daft am I right? A 4o year old in line with all her kids hanging at the midnight show to see a movie! Absolutely Barmy right? So do the math, movies is 2 hours and 33 minutes long. It starts at 12:30am. So when did we get home?? You guessed it... 3:40am! Straight to bed by 4am! Barking mad right!!

Yes, considering that I had to get up at 6:30am to drive 2 hours to Hollyweird to coordinate a meeting at 9am. Oh did I mention that I had to take the car we affectionately call Charlie? The BMW convertible whose top has been ripped apart by a werewolf before we bought it? Smirk has to work tonight and cannot drive a stick shift so I had to drive the convertible through LA traffic at 7am!!! Yahoo!!

I love Charlie, the car not the perfume from the 70's or the mystery dude with the angels, but the car is from 1991 and apparently cup holders were a novelty in 1991...So how do you shift gears in stop and go traffic while attempting to stay awake and not spill coffee?? You don't, you forgo caffeine until you arrive then pound 5 cups of coffee to stay awake! Then after your party leaves, you curl up in the conference room and nap... Just close your eyes to recenter after the meeting... Really, I am not sleeping, just resting my eyes and getting my focus back...

zzzzzz... Wake me in three hours.

Stars!!!

2009-06-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

So a sad day for the world, both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson pass, and both too soon... And as morbid as this is, I have some new rising stars to show you!!!! MY BABIES!!! Grin got a summer job... She works at Wild Rivers. Smirk got a job too, she is working at the Fair.. But Grin... She went to work one day and the PR person for Wild Rivers asked if she would like to be in a commercial for the water park! Of course my little actress said YES!!! Then she asked if she could bring her sister (what a good kid!!). The PR person said great, we need more extras! So the two actress went to the water park and filmed a commercial! Exciting? YES? Even more exciting...SEEING YOUR KIDS ON TV!!!! Check the link below and watch really close, it isn't that long, but they look fantastic!!!! I'm so proud!!!

http://lnk.ms/0crWW

What is sometimes green and currently invading my house?

2009-06-11T13:02:00.001-07:00

MOLD! It is so disgusting! All right, so I have been told it is not mold, but it is mildew. Mold, mildew, fungus... Who cares it is still absolutely gross! It has taken over the back wall of my pantry. I reached for the oatmeal and noticed some green spots on the wall. As I searched to figure out what could have splashed on the wall, I saw it down on a shelf below too... As I frantically pulled things out of the cupboard, I noticed it smelt really gross. I chased down the maintenance guys and asked them to come over and check it out...

Come to find out I have a leaking water heater. And it has been leaking for a while.... But not in the usual way, flooding into the house, which is great I guess!! So now we have taken apart the kitchen, stored things in the garage. And everywhere else... So now we are just waiting for the guys to come to start ripping out the drywall, the water heater and then the repairs will start! This could be a really long weekend with out water!!!

Why I will never do dishes again (at least for a week)

2009-05-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

So after a lovely day of working, nice dinner of tacos, there was a pile of dishes in the sink. Dishwasher being on the fritz, I decided to wash the dishes by hand, like I was taught as a child. Fill up the sink with hot, soapy water, put dishes in, scrub, rinse, repeat... No way!!! No more...

I did everything right... Until, I picked up a mason jar glass that had apparently cracked in the heat... Why look at the item in your hands, just plunge in and scrub...Ok so in goes the sponge, and my hand, up to the area between my pinkie and ring finger... Turn the glass for maximum cleansing and hey look, why is the water turning red... Cuss out loud, grab and towel and announce to the shocked kids who are looking at their mother who just cussed out loud, that I had cut myself... Jokingly Smirk says do we need to go to the hospital... Uh yeah, I said and quick, get the keys... Grin, freaks out and starts asking questions... I calmly grab two clean and my favorite dish towels to stop the arterial spray and walk to the garage, forgetting that oh so important wallet and fact that I cant drive since I am applying pressure... The girls start grabbing things like an expectant father... Do you need towels, where are the keys, here is your wallet, find the insurance card... Meanwhile I am calmly strolling to the car, blood dripping down my arm and onto my white shirt... Now, it was after dinner, I had been working from home so I was in my grubby sweats (grubby = huge hole in the knee), hair a mess and no makeup, no shoes and now a blood stained shirt. Girls rush past me and tuck me into the car... Grin is freaking out mildly. Smirk is driving. We get to the hospital and the triage nurse asks me to remove the towel... As I start to do this I realize that the bleeding has stopped and the blood is clotting, to the towel. As I remove, it starts to pump blood again. The nurse slaps some gauze on my hand and says more pressure... Hospital is packed so they ask me to sit in a chair in the hall way... 45 minutes later, someone takes my xray's... 30 minutes after that they found me a room... By 9:30, I have 5 stitches and have lost a quart of blood! I could feel it pumping from my the palm of my hand while the top was numb. There was blood on the bed and the floor...It looked like a warzone! All from a cut in my hand! Finally cleaned up and gauze stuffed in between the fingers so it looks like a really warped Spock-like- live long and prospers sign, I am allowed to go home. Now two days later, I can take the bandage off and can use the fingers just not over use it... So does that mean no more typing or working for the day??? Of course not, I just cant use my pinkie... Typing has gone from 90 wpm to 10!! Not fair!! And painful... But at least the doctor of my dreams did not show up while I was looking scuzzy... I know he is still out there and next time I injure myself (and I am sure there will be a next time) I will not be wearing scuzzy clothes, I have now vowed to constantly wear ball gowns and tiara's while doing everything, including vacuuming, laundry, gardening....

Happy.....

2009-05-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

Taco Tuesday!!

I would say Cinco de Mayo but since that phrase is currently taboo in my household, Happy Taco Tuesday! Anything Spanish is pretty much taboo right now, but just until tonight. See the oh-so-stressed- junior in high school, Grin, has a very full month. She started it off with a lovely trip to the SAT test on May 2nd, today is the Spanish AP test, Thursday is the English Lang AP test, then she has her final for drama, which is just in front of everyone who attends but it has to be something different, so Smirk's best friend wrote a short scene for Grin and a friend to perform... Then come finals, then training for her new job at the water park for the summer...All that in May. She is wound so tightly I expect her curls are going to turn into a fro very soon!

So to keep her spirits up, we are not having a Cinco de Mayo festival tonight, but are having her favorite dinner Taco's...

I cannot wait for school to end, but that of course will not allow the stress to end, then it will be working and shuttling her back and forth to her new job, going to visit colleges on days off, hopefully helping Smirk find a job, and in between all that, studying for Grin's drivers permit... (Mental note: go to store, get hair dye for all the new grays they are giving me and at least a pound of chocolate or bottle of rum... or maybe both)

I am sure life will calm down soon... Maybe next year (HA!)

What do you do for an hour???

2009-04-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

So I am now sitting in my office in Los Angeles, there is no one here but me and one other dedicated employee... Why am I sitting here at 6:06pm? I am trying to kill time before I go to an event... A nice event... Where I have to wear nice clothes and make up... Shocking right!

Before anyone asks... No, I did not bring a camera, no there is no photographic evidence unless I happen to get in a shot with the guest of honor. But if that happens I can GUARANTEE no one will be looking at me...

See tonight's event is sponsored by LG (makes sense since I work for the large national wireless carrier) and the special guest is Heidi Klum.. You all know her right? Project Runway, Victoria's Secret, 3 kids and one on the way, amazing body...

Yeah this woman, so I know for sure, between her and the hot new phone, no one is going to be checking me out!

But my question still stands, what do you do for an hour, I can get dressed in 10 minutes, the event is right down the street, they are going to have food, I already did my make up (yes auntie, I am actually wearing makeup, foundation and all) So what do I do?? I guess sit and read blogs, lotion my feet, talk to no one as there is no one to talk to here... I can run up and down the halls but my back hurts already so I don't want to do that... Already talked to the girls... I am bored and I need caffeine! Let's go people, tell me what you would do to kill an hour....

The Woman!!!

2009-04-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Grin is my little star! Alright, she is not so little as she is taller than me unless I am in heels, but she shines bright! The Actor's Rep at school performed a one night production of the one of my all time favorite old movies/plays The Women. This was written in 1937 and adapted for screen in 1939. There are over 130 stars and they are all women. A man's voice is heard, but not one person or even animal on screen are men. It starred some of the best actresses of the time. It revolves around a Manhattan social wife and her husband. She finds he is having an affair and heads to Reno for a divorce. If you can ever watch it, do, it is wonderful.

So my little star played the housekeeper/cook in the Haynes household. The Haynes are the ones divorcing. She and the parlor maid are in the kitchen. The maid is recounting the argument she over heard to the housekeeper while eating pie. Below is her favorite part of the scene...

The last scene of the play is the climax fight scene between the two main characters. Grin now portrays a socialiate who is drunk at a swanky club. I believe in the movie it was the 21 Club. So below is my drunk teen.... She finished the whole bottle... (Luckily for us it was apple juice!)

The world is backwards....

2009-02-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

I do not understand the world. I dont want to sound like the world owes me and I am the only one that matters... But I work hard, I have raised my kids to the best of my ability. I try not live above my means. I pay my taxes... Yet my taxes seem to go to a single woman who has the audacity to PLAN a pregnancy while she has NO JOB, NO MEANS OF SUPPORT and also has 6 other children.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-octuplets11-2009feb11,0,1790195.story

I am hopeful that she did not plan to have 8 babies at one time because that would be complete insanity.... But what the hell... She is living off student loans and food stamps... She says she is not going to go on public support, yet she already has... She was on disability, where she recieved $163,000 dollars!!!! OH MY GOD!!! She made triple what I make working my butt off, just by being injured and having 6 kids... Now she has 14!! And the new babies are going to require specialized care since they are so tiny... Who is going to pay for that??? The article says that three of her older children are disabled as well but she hopes that two will soon become not disabled... How do you do that???? What makes a child suddenly not disabled??? The article also says that she loves having babies, but didnt love being married. I love kids too, obviously since my house is always full of them but I dont get any support for them... All I want is enough money to pay off my bills and fix my car, maybe then I will only have a little stress instead of tons and tons of stress.... But that would be asking too much right... Or I could just quit my job and live off welfare and food stamps... That seems to work well for others...

Airports...

2009-01-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

I love airports, but hate to fly! I have been in many airports traveling for work too much but not much for pleasure. Funny thing about airports is the strange people you can see milling around. The first time I can remember flying was too Hawaii. The thing I remember most was looking out the window and thinking we were going to crash into the ocean. The airport was beautiful for an airport. Native women with lei's milled around waiting to drape flowers over departing travellers necks. The air was intoxicating with the scent of flowers. This was a perfect first flight.
The next trip I can remember was a trip to Europe. The longest flight ever!!! And overnight on a plane. I cannot sleep on planes, whether it is the excitement of the travel and getting to a new location or maybe it is the fact that I am trapped with a bunch of whining, snoring cough germ carriers that makes sleep impossible. It could also be that I have no luck and am usually trapped between two very large, smelly people or with chatty ken/cathy. Anyway the flight to Europe started in Reno, and the deplaned in Denver. Denver is the worst airport ever. They were doing construction (and I believe they still are, 20 years later) so it was a mass of confusion and dust. 30 teenagers and 5 teachers trying to navigate this and get to a gate on the other side of this mess was near impossible. But we did see some crazies along the way. This was before the time of security and no one in the terminals but the passenger. There were Hari Krishnas in their orange robes, guitar players strumming for spare change, people rushing, children crying...It was exciting.
However, as I became an adult, these things turned into annoyances and somethings quite frightening. My first flight to New York was for work. I took a 5 hour flight from Orange County to Newark airport. I had been advised by a friend not to make eye contact with people in the airport. That sounded ominous! However when I got off the plane and went down to meet my friend in baggage claim I was confronted with a massive amount of people. Most were in such a hurry they didnt notice me, but as I got closer to the sliding glass doors to the outside world I notice about 50 large men standing around in black suits. Some were holding signs with names, others were just milling about. As I walked closer to get to the doors, I must have looked one in the eye because before I could blink one of the characters from the Soprano's was at my side. "So how yo doin?" he asked....The accent was so think I began to think I had entered another country! I replied that I was fine and kept walking. "So a preddy goil like yo, must need a ride somewheres, right?" he pondered... I said no, I was meeting someone...But that didnt deter this wiseguy... He just kept on... He better be worth it, you are so pretty you need a proper ride... This was bordering on dirty! I was never so glad to see my friend show up!!! I think I must have almost choked him with the hug I gave him!! I realized then always to heed warnings of making eye contact!!
My latest foray into airports came last night. I went to pick someone up at LAX. Since my passenger, Chiquita, was an older woman who has a broken arm, I knew I was going to have to park. I drove up to LA, entered the airport parking lot and was stuck... Sitting behind idiots who should not be driving. They either did not understand the little PRND12 on the gear shift or they were just plain stupid. The car backed out of a parking space and just sat there... Not moving.. Since they were two stalls from the entrance gate, this caused a traffic jam with cars trying to enter the structure and this idiot just sitting there... Finally after about 5 minutes the slow witted parking attendant sauntered over to the car and tapped on the window. I figured, just chalk it up to rude people, move on... I parked in the first spot I could find. Jumped out of the car and started the walk into the baggage claim area. As I tried to enter the sidewalk a large group of people walking the opposite way thought that they deserved the entire sidewalk. Wouldnt even make a space on the side for me to walk through. I kept thinking..Be better than all these people, dont get angry and rude...
So I waited and finally walked to the terminal. Once inside, I went and stood against a wall where I could see my little Chiquita disembark from the terminal. As I waited, I looked around... I noticed several people looking at me. I started to get worried that the carrots I had for dinner were stuck in my teeth or something. One guy a very tall Hasidic jewish man complete with the curls at the sides of his head and black hat kept staring at me.. I could not figure out why. I did a teeth check, nose check.. Nothing he kept staring.. It was starting to get worrisome, but after he finally left. uess I will never learn!! Eye contact again... One of the many drivers waiting with signs near me walked over and told me what beautiful hair I had. I said thanks and quickly looked way. Not 5 minutes later another driver moved closer to me and parked himself on the same wall as I was. Immediately I sprang into action... I grabbed my cell out of my pocket and dialed... But to my dismay I was too far into the underbelly of the terminal and couldnt get a signal. I needed the roaming to kick in and quickly... The driver on the wall turned his head to look at me. Drat... I checked the phone again...Finally roaming! I dialed and started talking to the auntie! Whew saved... I asked if our passenger had called her, because I hadnt seen her and almost everyone was off the plane. And then finally I saw Chiquita! I removed myself from the wall and away from the driver.
I steered her towards baggage claim. Now clearly if people look at her, she is in her late 70's. Still very spry and active, but right now she has a large cast on her arm. She doesnt look feeble, but still a little fragile. We walked over to the crowded conveyor belt and I took a place not standing immediately at the short metal wall, but close to it...There was space for large Samoan man in front of me to swing his bag down from the conveyor without taking out my shins... Chiquita was standing behind me. We were talking and watching bags... I cannot count the times rude people stepped in front of me... Taking my place at the conveyor... I was standing right there... They just walked in front of me... I finally got so fed up with it, I started making snarky comments. When one woman walked in front of me I turned sideways and said to Chiquita "I am sure your bag will be the last one out, but you would certainly have trouble getting any bag out of here with your arm." The woman swung around and looked at Chiquita and immediately moved out of our way. That was my nicest comment... There were a few that I know Chiquita couldnt hear that I spoke to the back of people's heads... We finally got her bag. It was one of the last ones out and was so HEAVY! And old so the wheels were on the end of a normal suitcase and the handle was about 4 inches long. I had to stoop to wheel it out of the place. I wore boots that had heels probably not my best option but as I am clearly struggling with this bag, why do stupid men feel it is appropriate to walk in front of me and look at me as if to speak to me. Do I look like I want to talk to anyone as I struggle with a bag...If you are going to try to hit on me, at least take the flipping bag from me.... One scummy Mexican guy even made lewd suggestions as I was struggling with the bag.. Did the guy think that this would be so attractive that I would drop the bag and just jump on him right then and there??? Give me a break... Sometimes I glad I am single... The next time I go to an airport, it bette be a great vacation!!

The New Year???

2008-12-31T16:11:00.001-08:00

Tonight is the night that people stay up and welcome the new year with noise and champagne and kisses! I however, will be home with Smirk and her friends playing Scrabble or Risk. I will most likely be asleep before midnight, but they will make it I am sure. I may get a kiss from my lovely daughter at midnight, but that is about it... Grin will be in a hotel room in Pasadena with her best friend Oatsnhorses and her family,waiting to see the Rose Parade in the morning. They will have a wonderful time I am sure!!!

Now for the unrealistic part of the new year... Resolutions....

In 2009, I resolve to:

Giggle more with my girls
Talk walks to nowhere for no reason other than to enjoy the world outside
work just the right amount
enjoy more
lose the weight on my shoulders by thinking better thoughts
stop saving things for a rainy day... too many have passed by
play more games, they are beneficial.
lose a little weight around my waist, so I can run down the beach
Remember to by a lotto ticket, you cant win if you don't play

This will be fun if I can just remember to stick to them!

Have a Happy and Safe New Year!

Christmas miracles and how to do them properly!

2008-12-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

The ex Mr amused and his wife decided to tell their son, Elmer, that Santa is not real... He is only 10 and if they had any imagination, they could have kept this up for a while. What is more fun on Christmas morning than the excitement children feel when they see all sorts of gifts under the tree that magically appeared in the night.... Smirk and Grin decided that this was an error in judgement, so I hatched a plan! Now I am really good at the Christmas magic... Ask Grin she will tell you all about the year "Santa" made a letter appear on the printer telling her about the good deed she did by giving the doll that she really wanted, but was way too expensive for my budget, to a homeless girl who lived in a car in Alabama... But this years Christmas miracle had to be good.... My plan was to do a midnight raid on his house and leave presents from Santa for Elmer under the tree. Grin would hold the dog outside, Smirk would crawl in the doggy door and deposit the presents. I would be in the car with the engine running.... There would be black clothes, dropping and rolling and jingle bells. All this would be done at midnight Christmas eve!!! So we planned for the fun!

We bought 3 gifts. Nice small and fun. No books as that would be a dead giveaway it was from me. We purchased special wrapping paper, just the right hint of old fashioned but nothing like we had at home, another dead giveaway. We wrapped and waited. We planned and then made contingencies... Just in case the parents were still awake at midnight wrapping presents, Smirk would go in through the back while they were in the garage wrapping... This was their norm.

Finally Christmas eve came and we received a call from the Mr. Ex. He and the family were going to a party! DUH, we had forgotten about the annual boring Christmas eve shindig they attended. We flew into action... Gifts in the car, no need for black face, clothes or jingle bells, just sneaking in the back and tucking presents under the tree where we hoped no one would see until morning. Darkness had fallen by the time we arrived, nothing stirred in the house, minus the dog. We snuck into the gate, hiding as we went, still doing the mission impossible moves we had seen in every movie. We obtained entry through the doggy door, put the presents down, then realized we never wrote his name on them... So we rumbled around for a pen, careful to leave no traces that we were ever there, I wrote his name disguising my handwriting, we placed carefully and snuck out the door. There was mass giggling and hiding. We then drove home, happy that the first part of the plan went well!

The next day, Christmas morning, was fantastic! We opened presents, drank coffee and cocoa all snuggled up in our jammies, when upon the table there arose such a clatter... The jingle of text messages arriving in tandem, we jumped from the couch to see what was the spasm. The message was from Daddy proclaiming our greatness... Giggles and smiles were passed but unawareness we replied. We protested our innocence. How could we know what happened at his house 30 miles away!! He did not believe us until we drove up in the drive. He sprang from his house to question and query. Did they drive here last, was the question he pondered. I responded no... how could they, when would they, we were together all evening. The confusion on his face was priceless. The girls they did question. The Christmas miracle was a success. No one still knows the truth... And unless an elf cracks.. No one will... Now to plan for next Christmas... How do we top this one????

I hate shopping!

2008-12-22T09:40:00.000-08:00

I love presents. The surprise and happiness on peoples faces when the get presents. I love to give and receive them. I however hate to shop for them. Malls are horrible. People are rude and smelly. I realize that the store I was in had far too many people it for the air conditioner to work effectively but come on it was broiling. And the many of the unwashed masses were huddling exactly where I wanted to be. And no one knows the meaning of the words personal space. Why was the woman in line so close to my behind that she kept hitting my purse with her elbow. I finally had to accidentally swing my body to the side to violently cough and hit her with my purse. She was that close... Why?? Do you need to be close enough to me to smell me?? There is nothing in my purse of interest so back off! Not only that but I couldnt find the shoes I was looking for even though the girl on the phone told me they had them. Did you know that no one sells regular televisions any more?? No flat screens only... What if I dont want a flat screen especially not one that is about 15 inches and cost more than my car. Next year, no shopping! everyone gets home made presents. I am going to spend the year learning how to knit and make my own sweaters... Or maybe just alot of internet shopping!!

And I still have to go to Toys R Us....

Red red wine... Goes to my head...

2008-11-24T17:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah!!! Today scientists have announced that red wine, with diet, exercise and mental activity may help prevent Alzheimer's!! And since half of my family is quite prone to loosing their mind this is a very good thing!!! I will be buying 2 buck chuck by the caseload.

http://www.livescience.com/health/060928_red_wine.html

The 7th gate of hell??

2008-10-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

So since I turned 40 (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth, it is still very hard to say that I am 40. Damn there it is again) the lovely people at the DMV decided that it would be fun to coincide the expiration of my driver's licence with my birthday. Not only did it expire, but I was not being allowed to renew by mail. I had to go into their locations. These are horrible places where people can become stuck in the quagmire of bureaucracy.

But the worse part of this.... I forgot about it.... Completely! Did not even realize that for the past week, I have been driving on an expired driver's licence. So when a friend who just moved into my area called me for directions, it sparked a little hint of panic. I said a few choice expletives and asked her if she wanted company! She came to my house, dropped her kids off with mine and we left to go to the 7th gate of hell... The local DMV.

The closest office to my house is a block away from the beach in San Clemente. We drove there expecting a lengthy wait. We each had a book to read and she had her computer in case we needed to log in and do something for work.

As we walked in through glass double doors in the large space at the local strip mall, there was no line.. Waiting at the end of the fake leather encased ropes where their should have been hundreds of people queuing was a friendly face. She laughed and even cracked a joke! She handed me the paper I needed to fill out and we were each given a number. We sat down to fill out our respective papers and after 5 minutes our numbers were called. YES you read that correctly FIVE minutes. I barely had time to finish filling out the entire form! We walked to counters that were right next to one another and both of the women at this location were also nice... Not overly perky, but pleasant.... They looked over the forms, asked us to read the abc's that were way far away, asked for money, gave us receipts and sent us to the next window to get our pictures taken. We practically ran over to the next counter to see what wonders waited there. There was a mirror and a red carpet and a very nice, laughing employee. She was happy, she took our pictures, told us the photos looked good, said have a nice day!!

What was this place?? Did we enter an alternate reality? Every time I have been to the DMV I had to wait so long it was like that the scene in Beetlejuice...

But instead it was like a scene out of Pushing Daisies...There was singing, dancing, bright colors and pie...

Well, without the pie... And singing... And dancing for that matter, but there were bright colors.

Life in the fast lane???

2008-10-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

So I am just going to come out and say it... Get it over with, just like ripping a band aid off the hairy part of your arm... Yesterday was my 40th birthday. The more I say it, the easier it gets to admit that I am 40... My birthday was spent working... Avoiding the birthday thought... Although everyone wanted to give me their best wishes, I suspect they really wanted to see if someone brought cake. Smirk and Grin were very sweet. They tried to make dinner, I helped, just so it wouldnt burn. They did clean the living room. I got a lovely card from my parents! But the kicker is when the Ex Mr. Amused called to ask me a question and then had to remind me that he might be a year older than me but as a man, he gets distinguished but women just get old... Not fair!

It is really difficult to think that I can possibly be old enough to have lived through the 70's, the 80's and the 90's. I dont feel 40, but it is sad... I am supposedly now middle aged. I am also now classified as a cougar... This is not right! Why are women cougars??? For instance...Would anyone call this man a cougar? He is 2 days older than I am and still beautiful.

This link below does make me feel better although, I do not have a personal trainer and lots and lots of money to help me with this transition but does anyone ever call these ladies cougars??? I dont think so!!

http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/opinions/a-dozen-actresses-in-their-40s-that-still-rev-our-engines.php

I do believe I am going to go and finish off the cupcakes that the girls bought me last night. And have at least 5 more cups of coffee then maybe I can face the rest of my new 40 year old life. The coffee may taste funny with the salt from my tears, but I am sure I will be fine... But I never want to hear about big cats again....

Amazing adventures in Hollywood!

2008-10-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

For months, the girls and I have been trying to get to go see a taping of the Ellen Degeneres show. For those living under a rock.... We love her and think she is hysterical. Every time we would check her website, there were no tickets available. Well this month, I checked and they had some availability. So I signed us up to attend a taping on October 14th. After I signed up for the tickets, I sent an email to Ellen from Smirk.. The email had said that the girls wanted to take me for my birthday... As it is a big birthday... And guess what happened!!!

Last week we got a call from Ellen's production company. They didn't have tickets for the 14th, but had standby tickets for October 7th. They were only standby and we might not get in but they assured us that if we didn't get in we would have guaranteed tickets for a later date. We all felt lucky and said OK!

So today we drove up to Burbank, went to the studio and checked in. We were handed standby numbers 302 - 305!!! This was for the 2nd taping of the day!!!! There were 200 people inside the studio at a time.

As we stood at the street signal to cross the street I happened to notice a very tall, sun glassed guy standing on the opposite corner of the street. I grabbed Grin by the arm and said "Look, MEN IN TREES!!! Abraham Benrubi... The bartender!!! We were so excited! We loved that show and he was fantastic in it!! Grin nearly stopped breathing!!

So after we crossed the street, we were escorted to the riff raff room right inside the entrance a very large sound stage. Really nice, huge screen tv's couches and the Ellen store. We got to watch and listen to the taping. It was so fun!!! Today's show taping was actually for October 16th. Now every day, on Ellen, she gives away fabulous gifts and door prizes. Carlos, the production assistant told us that the Riff Raff doesn't usually get the swag that they give away, but he would try! And low and behold he did!!! We all received copies of Natasha Bedingfield's CD.... Again for those rock people http://www.natashabedingfield.com/home.html. Natasha sings the popular song, Pocket full of sunshine. She is also helping promote a Wii Video game called Boogie Superstar. We got both of those! But the most amazing and wonderful prize. Since this is breast cancer awareness month, and Ellen is a big supporter of breast cancer research, she is raising money for the Susan G. Komen foundation. (if you would like to donate... visit www.ellentv.com) Wacoal ,the bra company has decided to help her cause. The folks at Wacoal donated $50,000 to Ellen's race for the cure and they donated bras and a fitting to everyone in the audience!!!! We were soooo excited to find out that we in the Riff Raff room got all of these things too!!!!! WAHOO!! We all get new bras!!! How excited are we!!!

We got to see a star and get a new bra too!!!! We also got our guaranteed tickets and will be going back to see the actual taping of the show in November! Hollywood is so fantastic!

The beginning of my depression...

2008-10-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

So if this guy can get a girl, why the heck cant I find a guy... So do I need to be either morbidly obese or need to be super thin...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7648634.stm

Never ending pasta bowl???

2008-09-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

So Olive Garden has the never ending pasta bowl.... Vegas has their massive buffets... There the song that never ends, and the Never Ending Story... People say love never ends.

But today Smirk and I decided that we need to have other never ending things in our lives. For one, we want a never ending supply of shampoo and conditioner. Pipes that run into our house, directly into our showers. It would be great if they could have pumps and we could always have shampoo and conditioner!

We also want a never ending supply of milk... I used to think we wanted a cow but where the hell would we put a 1 ton animal? It wont fit in our front walk, the neighbors might object to the smell. And I think the gardeners would be very pissed off about the manure, although it is natural!! So we decided that just like water into the fridge, we want milk... Again, more pipes, but hey, it could work!!

Our last "never ending" is gas... Not sure how that one would work... Magic, tanker trucks following us around, or just free gas for life. But I think every body wants that one... Although if we just had cars that ran on solar or by splitting the atom, we wouldn't need never ending gas.

So, what "never ending" things do you want in your life???

Why bother having children...

2008-09-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

People confuse me! Alot... The reason for this confusion are parents. For instance, Smirk has two best friends who left for college this weekend. As the adoptive mommy, I was required to drive to Santa Barbara to help them settle. As the adoptive mommy who doesn't get along with the real mommy, I was not going to go until real mommy left. Smirk and I started our drive at 11:30am.
We got to Santa Barbara (which is only about 100 miles away) 3 hours later. Traffic sucked because people cant drive, but not the point.

Pony Princess and Pimp Daddy (the two friends) had left with their respective parents at 6am. Pony princess' mother and sister drove her up to the campus, help her dump her stuff into a bin and carry said stuff up the stairs and then LEFT.

Pimp Daddy's mum, drove up there, help him unload, helped him make his bed, realized they didn't have some supplies, took Pony Princess, Pimp Daddy and Lane (another bff) to the store (about a 1/2 hour away), purchased stuff, bought them all lunch, made sure PD had everything he could need, called every relative known to man to show her pride in her college man....

So when adoptive mommy gets there, Pony Princess has made her bed, tried to unload her stuff in the 12 x 1o closet she shares with 2 other girls. She is completely unorganized. Being the last girl to arrive, she gets a desk, a small two drawer dresser, and 1/3 of each wardrobe. She also gets the top bunk, which is fine, except she had made her bed without washing her sheets or airing out the memory foam pad. The memory foam pad that MY AUNTIE purchased her, and the sheets that I purchased for her... Her real mommy did nothing. She didn't stay to help, she didn't help put things away, she didn't go through the room checklist to determine what the kid might need, she just left....

So being my normal mild mannered self, I sat idly by and let poor Pony Princess flounder and struggle... NOT!! Of course I took charge... We went through her room, marked out things that were wrong, made a list of what she didn't have but would need ( a chair pad for the really hard wooden desk chair) We didn't have paper to make the list so Smirk wrote all of the items on her hands... She looked like the guy from the movie Memento. Then we toured the campus, finding things, helping her get hooked up to the Internet, find the food court area, find fun things to do for the next week, help her find the job center. By the time we left, I was exhausted.

But why didn't her own mother do all of this? Why just dump the kid off and bail. Why not help her? Did she just have 5 children to have minions to take out the trash?? And especially this kid, out of the 5, Pony Princess is the only one who is not a mother at 16, or a drug addict and the only one going to college... Wouldn't you want to do extra for her???

This whole day made Smirk very sad. Not only because two of her bff's are far away, but she really wants to go away to experience college life. I understand too... I want to get away but not for college life.... How about tropical island life?? Rich heiress life?? Idle rich life??? Those would work for me...

School Daze...

2008-09-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

September has come!! School has started for all the amused girls. Grin gets up at 5:30am so she can be in her first class of the day starting at 6:41am. So in turn the chauffeur gets up at 5:00am just to make sure the happy girl gets moving! I blearily make peanut butter sammies at 6am and get ready to drive her away. Her first class is Spanish...How one can concentrate on a foreign language at 6:40 in the morning is beyond me especially since I have a difficulty with English at that time. Meanwhile Smirk sleeps in until 8:30ish, since her first class doesn't start until 10:30am.

Grin is loving school (no surprise there) while Smirk is sad... Her friends are all leaving for college this next weekend and she feels like she is missing out on an experience by staying at home and going to community college. She understands why she needs to do it and agrees it is smart and the best choice for us, but it is hard. She wants a dorm room and to go away and try to learn on her own.

But Smirk will meet new people...She had her first job interview yesterday. We dressed her up in one of my suit dresses and pearls (she spruced it up with a belt and pretty shoes) and went down to the Marriott Renaissance Club Sport. She interviewed to be a Kid Club attendant, basically a babysitter for the rich and snooty members who go to this spa/fitness center/hotel and bring their children. When she got back, I of course, peppered her with questions... The conversation went something like this (please keep in mind, I did have about 5 cups of coffee)

Me: So, how did it go??
Smirk: it was good
Me: Good? Did you like the place? What was the job? Were the people nice?
S: It was...
M: What do they want you to do? Did they tell you when they would call and let you know if you got it? Did you get a card of the person you spoke to?
S: It would...
M: Did you tell them about your school schedule? Were they willing to work with you on that??
S: MOTHER... SHUT UP for 2 minutes and I will tell you everything...
M: Sorry.....
S: It was fine, I like the place, I would be a babysitter, the people were nice... What else do you want to know??? SLOWLY... And by the way, no more coffee...
M: Did you get the name and business card of the person who interviewed you...
S: No, her name was Hope, but why would I get her card...
M: How will you send her a thank you letter?
S: What ever...
M: but... You have.. You need to...
S: Whatever, but on a good note.. There was a way hot guy working there!
M: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Maybe I need to start spiking my coffee....

I love technology???

2008-08-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

As I sit in the airport, tethered to my laptop in the special armchairs that have electric plugs between each chair, I realize how much I have missed as I sit here working... Still... I have been working since 7am and it is now 6:30pm... Am I insane?? Instead of going and having a drink at the restaurant, I sit hear typing away... Working...Not looking up to see the strange and often amusing sights at the airport... For instance, the guy in the t-shirt that has been customized..Ripped off sleeves and a v cut into the neck to allow his fur to poke out the top of his neck line accessorized by the large gold chain at his neck, pinkie ring and belly hanging over the jeans (too tight)...Or there is the guys from my group... Sales guys, need I say more. They are all shmoozy and sitting across the terminal from me. After having spent 3 days with me they are so self absorbed they look up but dont really "look" at all and still have not seen me. Or the exhausted parents chasing their small children through the airport, hopefully trying to tire them out so they will not scream when held captive on the plane for the hour long flight.

I used to think it was fun to people watch and be adventurous when in a new city. You know, not worry about getting lost while driving through the place. Thinking it might be fun to ask someone for directions... But now instead taking adventure, I take the GPS option in the rental car. I have "Prudence" to keep me company. Garmin's option of voices in the GPS is a tight lipped British voice telling you to TURN RIGHT HERE. The accent makes the directions sound safe and intelligent, even though I didnt program it correctly and went for shortest route, not fastest and drove through cow country...Did you know there are are alpacas living in San Ramon, California. I sure didnt until now... I did love having the GPS and never leave home without mine... But what happened to the days of real maps...You know the ones, the paper things with all the folds that you get from AAA not that piece of paper you printed off Yahoo!Maps. Is there some sort of map makers guild with a bunch of old guys sitting around drinking coffee bitching about the state of the world and how they are obsolete now that there is GPS?? Or what about gas stations, do you think anyone ever comes in and asks for directions in a small town gas station? What if my soulmate was in that gas station waiting for me to come and ask directions and I bypass it and use my GPS....I guess I will never know..... For now I will sit here and play a game, read a blog and not look up for the next two hours til my flight departs... Solitary, alone and sucked in by my new best friend...Technology

Can September come any faster???

2008-08-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

I love summer. It is great! Nice and warm, everyone seems a bit relaxed... But this year, I just wish September would come now and get these hellions out of my house!!! At least for a few hours!! Smirk registered for her classes yesterday at the local college, so she is now officially a full time college student! Now to get her a job, and we will be set!!!

Grin has been doing homework for her summer class so she really hasn't had a break. She says all her crankiness, I mean studious hard work will pay off when she is a top notch veterinarian and will support me in my old age (HA)

Someday soon my children will leave me and I will look back on these days of stress and telling them to get their disgusting feet off my couch and pick up the food wrappers from the floor, and be sad. I am sure almost wistful for these days again, but for now... They need to get out!!!

guilty pleasures

2008-07-17T13:48:00.001-07:00

So the spawn and I were sitting around the house today watching movies while I worked from home. And the commercial for the Lifetime"Flying Tigress" came on. We realized that everyone watches Lifetime but no one wants to actually admit it. Where else can you get the cheesy movies that you all love but wont ever come clean about it... But if someone does get up the courage to speak about one, you know every line. You know the programming I am referring to... The Epics "Mother May I Sleep With Danger?" "Sex and the Single Mom" "Army Wives". These are all great movies/shows, but would you really admit that you watch them or are they your guilty little pleasures that you watch as you curl up on your couch on a Sunday in pj's... (This could also be substituted with every Bruce Willis movie ever made).

What about staying in bed all day long on a rainy day, reading books and drinking tea, while skipping the massive piles of laundry that are threatening to walk themselves to the washer?

Or how about in the days of cheaper gas, driving down the road with the windows down, singing "Brown Eyed Girl" or "Surfin USA" at the top of your lungs (not exactly in key).

There is always that shopping trip that you have to make but really don't want to and yet you end up finding the most amazing treasure ever... And at 70% off!!

Those are mine, so what guilty pleasures do you have????

Fire Watch 08

2008-07-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

Smirk and her friends are out in the woods alone! No grown ups (unless you count Smirk, who technically is an adult, but not really), no rules, no curfew, no nothing... Including tent poles and matches....

The group decided to go camping. They planned this for all of about 2 days. Then was the mad dash to get supplies, find a campsite and actually drive up the mountain. None of them had ever been camping without an adult preparing for them so watching this was absolute comedy!! Conversations were had that went like this - Smirk "So what should we get to eat? I am thinking sandwich stuff, maybe some steaks, some spaghetti?" Best Friend #1 "Sounds good!!! So we will need steak, plates and A1 sauce and forks" Interjection from the mother listening from the couch "Unless you enjoy steak tartar, how will you be cooking this side of beef and fabulous pasta meal?" Silence - crickets chirping - "Uh, what do you mean?" said BFF. "Well to cook steak is not that difficult on a grill, but unless you have a rotisserie spit or really large grill for your open campfire, since the campsites do not have a barbecue provided, what will you be doing? And how will you boil the water for the pasta??? Are you bringing a pot and if so, I want to see which one so you dont lose my favorite pot in the woods!"

Eventually pasta was nixed and the girls purchased a small charcoal barbecue. They also purchased all of the food and supplies while the two strapping man boys who are also attending this outdoor fest did NOTHING!!! They said they will give money later.

They finally made it up to the mountain and unpacked the car... Hilarity ensued for us parents when the ex Mr Amused called me and asked if I had heard from the mountaineers... I said yes but hours ago... He informed me he had just received a call from a very unhappy Smirk... She asked him where the tent poles were..... OOOPS.. She took the tent, but failed to grab the poles from the cabinet behind the tent. The boys refused to go back down the mountain (an hour drive) to get them, they also refused to go into town (a 10 minute drive) to go to the local sporting goods store and see if there was tent to be rented. They wanted to be manly and sleep in the outdoors...

I will be going to stock up on calamine lotion for when the return!!! I am taking bets.. They are supposed to return on Thursday evening... I say they will be back Wednesday at about noon....

Do you feel like dancing, wooo dancing...

2008-06-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

I love music... Any kind of music, I am not partial. I can listen to country, rock, metal rock, gregorian chants, 80's punk, classical, broadway show tunes. I like it all. Smirk seems to have inherited my love of music (without the classical and gregorian chants) and could not survive without the invent of the ipod. She can be found bouncing around the house dancing to her own beat.
We all have deep conversations about figuring out our theme songs. We can be found breaking out into song to answer random questions.
Grin, is far more serious in her musical thoughts (as she is with everything else). While she does participate in our fun, she only likes certain musical genres. We are trying to expand her horizons but it is difficult.

Grin cannot read and listen to music at the same time. Nor can she do homework while the TV or radio is on. She has to have complete silence while reading...For instance right now the clicking of the keyboard is probably driving her insane as she sits next to me in a catatonic state while struggling through the first chapter of the Mayor of Casterbridge for her summer reading lists. You can hear ever twitter of the birds outside. You can hear the leaf drop from the trees...

The silence is DEAFENING and killing me....

Resorting to Smirk's ipod, as she is still asleep and surgically removed it from her head before bed. It is quite a picture.... Me, head nodding back and forth, typing in time to the beat of some 80's pop band ooh-laa-ing about how to free my mind and the rest will follow into my ear, while I lip sync along, for I am not allowed to sing aloud. While my lovely child glares over the top of the book, like a somber librarian shushing me, informing me that my lip syncing is loud and just as distracting as my chair dancing... I feel like Kevin Bacon in footloose... I am going to explode into dance and song very soon!!! She better watch out.... I am going to start jumping on the couch and dancing around her prostrate, taciturn body. I do believe I will start with a melody about my favorite things....

Ou est la couer?

2008-06-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

I have been in love with France ever since I set foot in the country in 1986. And not just France, I love England and Italy and Switzerland as well. But while in France, I had no money left on my European trip and my parents had wired me money. Only hitch, I had to go to a specific bank. I couldnt just go to the local B of A and pick up money, no I had to go to a bank on a certain street. I had the address and set out with a group of friends on our free time day in Paris. I was the only one who could speak French and that was passable at best. We started from the hostel and went out on the Champs D'Elysee and walked with L'Arc du Triumph at our backs. We found the nearest Metro station and paid for a ticket. I found the street we needed to be on and the correct stop and jumped on the next train. We got to the street just fine, but then we could not find the bank. There were beautiful buildings in this district but none said Banque... Nothing.. The girls were all afraid of asking someone for help as we had all heard about the French attitude towards Americans... But I was not afraid. I walked right up the nearest local and asked in atrocius french, "Ou est la banque?" He started to babble very fast and motion with his hands.. I tried to follow along and watch his hands, but it was to no avail.. I was completely lost... I started to tear up and this very sweet old french man stopped... He looked at me and said in Frenglish... "Alors!! No, do not cry ma petite, follow me!" This sweet man took us all like ducklings to the door of the bank! He came inside with us and told the teller what we needed! I nearly hugged him and kissed him!!! He was my hero. As the teller took my paper with the money transfer info and my passport, I turned to thank our hero, but he was walking out the door... We all very unlady like yelled across the very quiet, old financial institution our profuse thank you's.

Ever since that moment, I have wanted to go back to France. I want to live in a old chateau in some sleepy, sun drenched town full of vineyards and old stone houses. I have read books because they are set in france. I love Joanne Harris novels and french wine. I subscribe to a daily email subscription from an English painter who lives in Provence. He paints the local landscapes and still life paintings. They are lovely!! http://www.shiftinglight.com/

Some of my favorite movies are french!!! Have you ever watched the Umbrellas of Cherbourg?? Fantastic movie from the 60's. I have now found a new one!!!! Today I watched "A Good Year" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401445/ and now I want an eccentric uncle to leave me his vineyard in France... Can someone please find me one??? I dont believe we have any in my family but if anyone out there in blog land would like to adopt me and bequeath their vineyard to me, I will be more than happy to live their and make fantastic wine!!!

Now that I have had my dreams of france, I must go back to the drudgery of the day and go to the grocery store... and laundry... and vacuuming.... I realize that I would have to do all of these things if I lived en France' but if I were there, it would be far more wonderful and romantic to do these mundane chores there, than here....

Drama!!

2008-06-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger! I realize that I have not posted in quite some time, but WOW! We have been a busy household. This week has seen finals, volunteering, end of school and more work than I need!

Since the school year is coming to an end we have had finals and studying for finals. And alot of "Last" things for high school! Smirk is graduating on WEDNESDAY! My baby is now a full grown adult. She is smart and amazing and I cannot wait to see what she makes of herself in the future.

Grin, with 2 years left in high school, is also amazing but more exciting, her Dad finally realized that she is talented and he should stop picking on her for wanting to be in the Drama program. She and her fellow sophomores had to perform monologues in front of an actual audience. Hers was touching and she did really well!!! The ex Mr. Amused was extremely upset with me for saying anything negative (HELLO, all I said was that she needed to slow down, she got nervous when she looked out into the audience and saw us and went a little fast) but ex Mr has completely changed his tune...

Grin also was kidnapped Friday night or Saturday morning, but I stayed up almost all night to make sure the kidnappers actually got in our abode... They did and was it worth it!!! One was dressed as a parrot, one was dressed as a pirate, there was a maid and a one had an outfit I didnt really recognize, but it was dark when they finally arrived at 5:30am (they were kinda like the cable company as they were supposed to arrive between 2 and 4am) but they walked into the living room and I could hear them whispering, now what?? So I whispered back "Are you the kidnappers?" they whispered back a fervent yes! (they had tried several "G" apartments in my complex...weird that people dont lock their doors) they trooped upstairs as quietly as someone dressed in a parrot costume could and went into Grin and Smirks room.. Then there was some confusion as to which bed to look in as there are 3 in the room... Two real beds and one air mattress on the floor for Pony Princess when she stays over... So I pointed them in the right direction and they couldnt find her head... after they found that she was blindfolded and trooped down the stairs and out into the car... She had a great time and has been formally inducted onto the Thespian Society Student Board as the Scribe... She isnt quite sure of what that entails, but she is excited!

Now we are off to clean the for the arriving graduation party relatives!!

Kids...

2008-05-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

Let me start out by making this statement... I love kids. I really do. I think little ones are fun and innocent and make great toys! They can amuse you for hours! I even like it when they get bigger, but they do have attitude when they get bigger, but it is still fun...

What I dont like is when GROWN UPS bring children into places that are not appropriate places for kids. Like right now for instance... I am sitting at my desk trying to figure out this stupid spreadsheet and double check it to the power point presentation when all of a sudden there is whining... And crying from a small little, drippy boy child of about 3 years old. The lovely lady 2 cubes back has brought her grandson in to see her for lunch. This wouldnt be bad if his mother, the 17 year old high school-about-to-be-a-graduate, could control him... She cannot, so his grandmother must keep shushing him while trying to contain his squirms. He is a cute kid, but should be outside, running, playing, squashing bugs and putting them in his pocket or all of the other things boy children do while playing outside. Not being stifled in an office while my boss is on a conference call or I am trying to yell at the helpdesk. She is very kind to ask me if they are making too much noise, but what am I supposed to say?? "Yes, your drooling child is far to loud for the office and I am unfeeling, heartless bitch!" That would work wouldnt it??

I am going to go and text message my About-to-be-a-graduate and thank her for not getting knocked up and making me a grandmother before my 40th birthday!

Teen age Logic???

2008-05-29T10:14:00.001-07:00

I will never understand the logic of the teenage mind. Last night when I got home from a hard days work the normal suspects were lounging in my living room. In fact Smirk and her friends were congregated on the floor in the doorway of my back door (weird spot for them to be hanging out as this leads to a bathroom and the garage) and Grin was dutifully doing her homework on the couch. I went into the kitchen and proceeded to notice how miraculously the dishes in the sink seemed to have gone forth and multiplied during the day... I was shocked!! What was a bowl had suddenly turned into a bowl, 5 cups, several sets of utensils, the plastic container holding dinner from the previous two nights, and plates. I began to babble out loud at the strange events, bemusing the thought of party that may have been happening during the day where the cups seduced the forks and told them to jump out of the drawer to come to a hot tub party in the sink! Smirk and her friends looked at me like I was insane...Probably am, but that is another issue... I said to them...Wait, plates and cups are inanimate objects they cant go to a hot tub party... How did they get here... They all laughed and said... Sorry we will put them away next time we raid the refrigerator and eat all of the leftovers you were saving for your lunch for the next two days... (Ok they really didn't say that, but in my head it was a much better answer then "sorry mommy")

So I started to make dinner... And a lovely dinner it was! I started to marinate the beef strips in lime & blood orange juice, mixed with olive oil and chili powder mix... Then I sauteed the squash and onions and peppers, the heated up the refried beans... Do you see the dish yet??

As I started cooking the meat, the teenage garbage disposals started perking up and saying things like "oh that smells so good" or "Smirk, mommy is an amazing cook, what are we going to live off of when we go away to college?".... I ignored all of this fake flattery and continued on my cooking efforts. Then Lane had to go back to school for a band thing and the children all said goodbye... I did not think anyone would be back except for Smirk so I started to plate up the food... Grin was patiently waiting for her food, like a puppy drooling at my feet, so I fed her... She was happy, then the horde came back... Smirk sits down on my lap and says "Hi Mommy we are going out to go get something to eat"

I nearly dropped my fajitas.... I looked at her stunned... I finally stammered out... "WHAT??? Why are you going out??? Does the food only taste good if it has been sitting in the fridge for a day and you eat it cold right after school??? "

They had the audacity to say, well we didnt want to eat your food!!!

Again a "WHAT??? You are just going to eat the leftovers tomorrow so why not eat it now??? What is the difference??"

The hemmed and hawed and then went in and made plates....

But I will never understand the teen age logic... Or is that an oxymoron??

I have a plan!!!

2008-05-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

Grin, my adorable and very smart daughter, heard a news report that stated the price of gas in Venezuela is about .07cents a gallon!!! Can you imagine??? HOLY MERDE!!!!

So what we decided we would do is get a consortium together, buy a tanker boat (just a smallish one), cruise to Venezuela, load up on the gas, I will even pay $1 a gallon!!! So we will load it up and cruise back to the coast by our own little house... Every time we want gas we will head down to the harbor, have the boat pull into the marina, pump it out and be on our merry way!!! It would have to be more cost effective than buying gas at a regular pump at $4.05 per gallon or more!!! Wouldn't it???? Any takers????

walking a mile in my size 8.5 black mary jane 3 inch heels!!

2008-05-22T13:54:00.000-07:00

I was speaking to the Ex Mr. Amused about his and Smirk's major drama/argument/fight of the century this last weekend, he mentioned to me that his lovely 9 year old son (Rat Boy) who is in 4th grade did the unthinkable. This child had waited until the last minute to tell his father of a report due on Friday (today) on one of the California missions. Now all parents in the state of California, who have had one or more children in the public school system know that in 4th grade your spawn will be assigned "The Mission Project". Each school district varies a little bit, but the project usually consists of writing a paper on the history of the mission and then making a diorama, replica, horrific mess to represent the mission you were assigned. Both Smirk and Grin had done this report and I was the one to assist.

But the Ex Mr. was mortified that Rat Boy had waited until Tuesday of the week it was due to inform his father that he would be needing assistance. I had to laugh, see in all these years he has never had to deal with the late night assembly of a diorama or the last minute rush of "can you type my essay, oh yea and maybe help write it too??" Or the best one.. "Mommy, I have a poster board project on the life cycle of a solar system due tomorrow, can you help me?" He has never had to deal with things like that and now thanks to Rat Boy, he was being inducted... I asked him what his issue was.. Hello, I had been doing this for about 12 years now!!!

In all my niceness (as I laughed at his dilemma), I did mention that we, due to the propensity in which my family saves things, probably still had Grin's report laying around somewhere just in case he wanted to teach Rat Boy how to cheat in 4th grade... Surprisingly enought, Grin was so proud of it that she knew exactly where it was... in a bookcase at the Ex Mr.'s own house... I wonder?? Did he pass ethics 101 or did he take the easy way out.... We shall have to see but I am betting he spent the better part of this week figuring out how to construct the diorama...

Just in case you were wondering...

2008-05-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

I have been told I need a vacation... Several times...But who can afford a vacation?? So, just in case I win the lottery or people decide they want to give me a really nice "39 again and I start going backwards" birthday present this year, here is where I would like to travel...

Lake Como to see George Clooney's house -

Montepulciano in Tuscany -

Bora Bora -

although this requires a bathing suit and unless fashions have gone back to the style of the late 1890's, this might not work for me

Other places I would happily consider-

Monte Carlo, Paris, London, Ireland, The Caribbean (any where, I dont care), Morocco, Tangiers, Cairo, Australia

Of course, I would love to have someone to travel with so if you want to buy and come along even better!!!! Other options would be someone could find me a very wealthy, handsome man who needs a travelling companion or personal assistant (ie, George Clooney) and I would be happy to join him on his venture....

Big Issues

2008-05-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

I have issues...

I would like to officially blame them on my parental units! Yes, thanks to you Dad, I cannot stand it when someone, especially someone in an authoritative role, massacres the words February and Library. I realize that this is small in comparison to say a teacher or student walking into a class room with an AK-47 and shooting up the place but when I hear a teacher or professor or President/Candidate or even the CEO of my company say the word "febuary" it makes this artery in right eye spasm. Or the LIBRARIAN at the local high school leaving me a message on the answering machine informing that Smirk needs to return the Canterbury Tales to the LIBARY. The LIBARY??? Does she work in a different facility than the Library that holds books, you know the one.. Word root Libri that meant "book, paper, parchment," originally "the inner bark of trees," (did you know we used to write on the inner bark of trees, but I digress) How would the woman not know that she works in a Library? What about the teachers who tell my children that in Febuary there will be a school vacation? Or the president who talks about Presidents Day Holiday in Febuary?? Are their 13 months in the year and if so, why would they name the 13th one so very similarly to the 2nd month of the calendar year? And why does not this month show up in my calendar?? Is it a Mayan or Aztec thing??? Maybe it was the one that got throw out of the Gregorian Calendar in the 1500's??

Why does this bother me so... Probably because my father was a freak and kept correcting things like this as I grew up and now it has rubbed off on me.. I have no tolerance for this error of humanity.. Nor do I for spelling errors by people who are supposedly college educated.. I received an email from someone who has graduated from college and is supposedly higher up in the company than me (I let them believe this, they just really don't know the truth). The email read " I have also inputted a return label into the envelope"... She INPUTTED??? So she typed the return label into the computer envelope for me?? Or did she input a return label??? Am I crazy?? I can understand typing errors... Sure but this was not a typo... This was just plain bad grammar! Do people not use spell check? Does no one proofread any more??? For instance, I was reading a book this weekend and I found two grammatical errors (theirs/theres), not just typos (there were several of those as well, but my problem was that this was a published piece of work... Do they not hire proofreaders??? I want that job... That's it... I quit, I will just turn over a new leaf and stop being so critical. I will join the masses! So I balame all my probolems on my Daddie and Mommie an will be like the rest of the folk in the world and not care what I do or say in Febuary or january and I will never go to the libary to look up a word. Theirs a place I just can not stand....

What do you say?

2008-05-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

What do you say to someone when you know their heart is breaking and there is nothing that you can say that will make it better? What do you say to someone who is both angry and in shock? What do you say to a 17 year old girl whose father had a massive heart attack and she didn't get to say goodbye? Nothing... You just sit there and hold her and hug her and cry on the top of her head because she is sobbing in your arms.

Yesterday, Pony Princess', Smirk's best friend, father died. He knew something was wrong with him. He was worried about it but didn't do anything. As I told Pony Princess, maybe he thought it was minor and he had plenty of time... He wrote his 5 children a note telling them how much he loved them and explaining things (I didn't really get the gist of this note through the sobbing and snot) but it was not enough for any of them. She was feeling guilty for being mad at him. That I quickly dispelled.. I did tell her it was ABSOLUTELY OK to be mad at him for leaving her. She felt guilty for not wanting to go home to her crazy family. She has two older sisters and is the youngest of triplets. The oldest sister is all of 23 and is getting married in a few months. Her sister who is 21 is an alcoholic /druggie who was focusing her grief on cigarettes and a bottle (ironic as their Dad was a big AA follower), her older triplet sister has a baby to care for and was falling apart and the only boy of the family the middle triplet was just angry at the world.
Smirk, Grin, Lane (Smirk's other best friend) and I tried to explain that she did not have to face anyone in that house right away. She could stay hidden with us at my house and deal with them when she felt up to it. But the thing that broke my heart most was when she sobbed into my chest and said that she just wanted him to be proud of her and see her walk at her graduation next month and then take her to college in the fall (she is the first and probably only one of her sisters going to college). Her only thought was that he wouldn't be proud of her. That one brought me to tears...
So they are all at my house today... No one really felt like going to school... (except Grin, she had a play to do and didn't have a choice). They were going to hang around my house and just be there for her in case she needed shoulders to cry on... I know it will get easier on her, eventually, but I just wish there was something that I could do, something I could say... But what can you ever really say....

Mothers Day Schmothers Day...

2008-05-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

I wish I could tell you about my fabulous mothers day... You know the one... (Cue the dreamy music) The one with the attentive loving children who burst into your room at at least 9am so you could sleep in, with a full cup of hot coffee with soy milk and some fabulous breakfast that they have made,

showering you with presents and a gift certificate bought by their father, in order for you to go and get your toes done or the massage you desperately need.

They proceed into the day not fighting and clean up their room and finish their homework, all the while asking if they can get you anything.... (See the dream... Now find the big pin to POP MY BUBBLE)

My mothers day did start at 10ish when my children sullenly stomped into the house.. There was a slight change of plans as they were supposed to come home from the Ex Mr. Amused's house on Saturday night but due to party plans that were happening there, they were forced to stay until the morning. My spawn had planned to rise early and come over in order for me to get my coffee and breakfast.... Planning was never something they were good at...So at 10ish when they stomped in, I have already been caffeinated and am starving. Were there presents??? NO! Was there anything??? No... Did they stop fighting??? No. Did they help in anyway, shape or from? Maybe... Grin did help me "cook" dinner. We had roast chicken from the grocery store, cheese, crackers and veggies and dip. Her cooking was to cut the cucumbers... She was a very big help however, this was ruined as she proceeded to scowl at her sister and they fought over something stupid again...

On a positive note, I did get to watch the Game Plan with The Rock... Cute... And How to Marry a Millionaire...Classic... And the First Wives Club... Hysterical! So decent movie day, still need to do 12 loads of laundry and dishes and clean up the living room, but tomorrow is another day.

How way your weekend????

Training...

2008-05-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Can I start a world wide training class that will teach people courtesy??? Not just please and thank you when someone does something for you or saying excuse me when you burp or bless you when someone sneezes.. Those are the basics, the easy ones that most people forget, but you deal... No I am talking about things that must not be common sense.

For instance, since I have had to go into the office everyday here at Dash, the large International Wireless Carrier where I work and people are just plain inconsiderate... I come in and see the coffee pot is empty, so I make a pot, head to my desk to put away all my stuff and get started on my day. This takes about 5 minutes before I grab my mug (we have gone green and now have no more Styrofoam cups) and head back into the break room to get the elixir of the gods that keeps my brain firing and see SNEAKING LAZY BASTARD who just took the last of the coffee and put the almost empty pot back on the burner without starting anymore... I mean people, it has been 5 minutes since I made the other pot, what did you all do sit and wait to hear the sounds of someone come in and start the coffee, wait until you hear them walk away and BOLT into the kitchen to take it all??? And what the hell is with leaving a tiny bit in the bottom of the pot.. Just finish it, I mean does that qualify as it not being empty so you cant make more???

Or there is the loverly woman who albeit very nice, is a bit on the overweight side (about 200 pounds) who wears at least a quart of perfume everyday. And it isn't expensive perfume so not only does it reek, but it actually burns my nose... But I suppose it is an early warning sign that she is walking down the hall towards the bathroom and it will uninhabitable for at least a 1/2 hour.

What about the very nice couple, who I have never seen in a cube near me... They must be buried somewhere in the rats maze of cubicles, but they eat their lunch every day in the break room. And every day it smells like shrimp ramen... it is vile and disgusting. I am not a fish lover, with the exception of Tallulah/Karl who will not be swimming in Ramen, and do not think I should have to be subjected to the GAG INDUCING smell of this fishy, vile disgustingness while trying to retrieve and heat my lunch. Can smells rub off on foods in the microwave?? I swear my veggies smell like FISH!! Must people bring rancid smelling food to the office to eat??

Its not just smells that annoy me!! Being that I work for a wireless company, people seem to think that every one wants to hear their conversations about little Tyreek and his poo problems. I am very sorry for Tyreek, first because someone in this day and age has named their child something that will induce teasing and torture during his school years (has no one learned) and second because I think that Tyreek's poo problems are better left discussed in private as opposed to the push to talk phones we are currently pushing on the nation. I always try to be courteous about the level of my voice, sometimes my spawn ask me why I am whispering...

Am I too sensitive??? Am I being crazy??? Please tell me I am not the only one with these issues????

2 B or not 2 B....

2008-04-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

That is the question.... Grin has to find a monologue for her drama class. She wants to perform something that is not "her". It is a struggle because Grin does not know who she is... She thinks she is a tough cookie but she is most assuredly not... She thinks she should do something dramatic, but everything I find, she says sounds too sad (HELLO, the point behind dramatic???)

My biggest issue is when I look things up on the web, I find that people are basically stupid... What does the word monologue mean?? Lets think shall we... The beginning of the word is MONO - meaning SINGLE, ONE, ALONE or slang for a viral spit swapping disease which requires two people to get the disease so in theory it should be called binucleousis, but I digress... The stupid people on the internet post what the call monoglogues.. Yet they have two people speaking in some of these... Again, 2 not one so should they be called bi-logues or SCENES?? I dont want a scene... She needs to up there alone... So I search... I find many that I think are perfect, but my Amish daughter decides she cant do that or she cant say that word... She really isnt grasping the whole "acting" theory is she....

Maybe she should just give up on the acting and start practicing her fierce walk because at 5'9" she should just chuck it all and become a supermodel...

Get out!

2008-04-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Grin and I have had this long standing plan (actually Grin has this plan, I have other ideas) about our living situation in the future... Grin believes she will live with me until she gets married and then she and her husband will live with me... My plan tends to lean toward her moving out on her own and Mommy living in Italy or England. She has gotten a little bit better so maybe this pipe dream of us sharing a home well into my golden years will just go away...

Smirk on the other hand, wanted to live with me, but now has decided that she wants to move in with her friends. She knows that to follow her career choice of law enforcement for the federal government she will most likely have to go to Quantico (that would be Virginia, not California) and her friends will probably not leave the West Coast, but she is determined...

Last night Smirk came and sat down and said... "I just don't understand... We (the pack of rabid teenagers she calls friends) were talking about college and who was leaving and when, and the chatter turned to what were they all going to do without Mommies..." See, I cook for most of them (they just magically appear when pots start clattering in my kitchen) and I do the laundry for most of them (they leave their clothes on my floor and I end up washing them). They don't know how to cook or do laundry... Smirk however does... So, she instantly became the most sought after roommate. Little do they all know... Smirk knows how to cook and do laundry, she is just too lazy to do any of it... I have a feeling that once she starts college at the 2nd largest party school in California in two years, I will see mounds of laundry coming home on the weekends... It is just going to be too bad for her I will be unavailable unless there is payment!

Happy Belated Erf Day

2008-04-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's Earth Day festivities got me thinking about my child hood when my 'rents wanted to get away from society so we moved to Cartoon City, Nevada. I remember thinking "Where???" I also seem to remember my father wanting to be like Grizzly Adams or the Mountain Family Robinson (Adventures of the Wilderness Family)

and leaving civilization to live off the land! I would love to do that. I would like to bake my own bread and grow my own veggies... Sew my own clothes and live like a hermit.. Problems with that would be I cant bake to save my life (I have issues with yeast breads), and my sewing skills are not that wonderful so I think I would end up with a lot of dresses that look like sacks and lots and lots of blankets...

The media reports got me thinking about what my carbon footprint would actually be... I have a car, two in fact, if you count Smirk's... I do use electricity but have switched to halogen and Compact fluorescent bulbs. I try to recycle although from previous posts you may have read it is not so easy... I will now try to find a better use for the millions of plastic grocery bags that I currently have in my pantry. I would love to recycle them, but have not found a place that accepts them.... Our grocery store had a bin out front for about a week until they realized that Americans do not read and people were throwing garbage into this bag recycling area... I don't know what else I can do... I still cannot grow veggies at my apartment complex, nor will they allow the cow or goats that would be needed to provide my own milk/butter/cheese. They will not let us put up solar collectors so I do still need the electric company and gas company unless I want to have freezing cold showers and cook in the barbecue every night.

So for Earth Day, the girls and I decided to celebrate by doing absolutely nothing different! I did not plant a tree, but did water my plants. We did not turn off the electricity, but did go to bed an hour early. Sorry Mother Earth, we will try harder next year!! Maybe by then the apartment complex will start letting me keep a cow!

World Meet....

2008-04-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

Tallulah....

(Now this is not really him as he wouldnt hold still long enough for me to snap the picture)

Tallulah or Damn you, yellow light as Grin and Smirk, respectively, call this little guy who was the centerpiece at the Basketball Banquet. The kind, Stay At Home Mommy who organized the decorations this year decided it would be fun to put a live fish in a little vase with a glow stick in the bottom, on each table. Then she stuck 1 piece of paper under the chair of the "winner" of the fish and you would get to take the centerpiece home!!! Isn't that nice!!!! The paper was under my chair so I opted to leave the fish for someone else, but PETA member Grin would not allow it.. She scooped up that vase faster than I could run screaming from the building...
As we were driving frantically toward home, to get Smirk home in time to leave and go to a party at her friends house, we hit every yellow light, hence her name for the fish. Their brother from another mother, Stick Boy named it Carl. He looked at me very quizzically when I asked "Why, does it have a big nose?" And then proceeded to ignore me. (COMEDIC GOLD BY THE WAY)
Two things to note, yes this is a beta fish and therefore can have no companions in the vase with him as he will eat it.
And Two, yes Grin is aware that this fish is a boy and should not be named Tallulah without causing severe psychological damage to said fish... As these fish come from Thailand, luckily for us I am not sure that he can understand English.

No excuses!

2008-04-07T12:11:00.001-07:00

Hello all! Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but there has just been no time at my house! With graduation rapidly approaching and craziness at the international telephone conglomerate, I have not had time to type!!

But there is just so much going on everywhere, it is no excuse!!!

Smirk & I went to the community college where she will be attending in the fall, to check things out and get signed up for her to get started. She has completely changed her plans (AGAIN) and is now planning on attending one year at the community college and then transferring up to UC Santa Barbara with her best friend. She better get some good grades for this first year and get some scholarships for the next because I have no idea how she expects me to win lotto so she can go to school!!

Grin is a crazy stress victim but can finally relax and breath this week as it is spring break and she does not have any homework to do!! She also has changed her future plans (AGAIN). She went with her class to the local hospital where the students were assigned to different wards in the hospital. She was assigned to neo natal intensive care. She loved it and now wants to be a pediatrician or a neo natal nurse... This is followed up with my lotto comment from above!!!

In world news... I was sad to see that Charlton Heston passed away this weekend. The only reason I mention this is that I was reading his bio... He married his in 1944...She was an actress also... She was a minor player with him in the Greatest Show on Earth, and performed with him on a made for TV movie show called Studio One. It is amazing to me that in a place like Hollywood where marriages do not last long enough to get the licenses back from the state, that these two stayed married until death did them part. I dont know why but that makes me feel a little better about living near the den of iniquity called Hollyweird!

More on life later!!!

Technology??

2008-03-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

Since I work for a large wireless provider, I see some strange things...But this one really upsets me... This was sent to my boss as an idea that maybe we should try to sell these in our retail stores since we allow Amazon to utilize our network... Go ahead take a look, we will wait....
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FI73MA/ref=amb_link_6369712_2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=0XS0S8AAMV4Z9XRCXPHS&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=371797501&pf_rd_i=507846

I DONT LIKE THIS PRODUCT!!! Why do we have to digitize books?? And even more, make it wireless and available with the touch of a button in minutes??? I do not want to "read" a book on a wireless device the size of my palm. I want to smell the paper, hear it crackle as I turn the pages, feel the cool cover of the book against my warm leg as I read in the sun. I want people to look at me like I am a throw back to a different time when I pull a book out of my purse, or car or bag while I kill time waiting as I usually do for my children. I want to be able to pull a book off the vast shelf of my library and remember reading it for the first time. I want to share that book with others. How can you impress that cute guy in Starbucks with your intellect and that fact that you can read one of those dead russians if all he can see is another person staring mindlessly at a little screen. I want that cute guy to see the cover of Anna Karenina or Proust! I want him to think...Hey she looks pretty & brainy, and then ignore me cuz I am not blond nor do I look like Barbie, but it was there if only for a moment!

I realize that some could say we are destroying the environment by printing books, but I refuse to believe that!!!! Why cant printers use recycled paper?? What do I care if the paper once came from a school or office that wastes thousands of pieces of paper aday?? As long as I can read the pages, I dont care where it came from!!!!

DOWN WITH TECHNOLOGY!!!! Not all of it though, cuz if you dont buy the cellphones I am out of a job!!!

The further edumaction of my spawn...

2008-03-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

Since Grin is into the dramatic arts, I have decided that she needs to further her musical/movie education. And further since I will not be plopping down $85 per person to take her to Wicked (although I would LOVE to go) we have been watching old movies/musicals that I adore. We have watched

This was just for the cheese effect!!!

Then some good serious drama

Then some lecherous men of the 60's

Then some good war-time fun!!

Maybe up next will be The Glass Bottom Boat, Romeo & Juliet (1968 version only), An Affair to Remember, North by Northwest... They will also need to experience some of the Road to .... movies with Bing & Bob, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Anchors Aweigh is also a favorite.... Or maybe the movie all good little girls need to see..... How to Marry a Millionaire....

Things that make you go hmmmm?

2008-03-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

Riddle me this Batman, if the US government has made the cable companies stop broadcasting in Analog and we now have no other choice then to get digital cable, why do I have to pay extra for the service???
This is what I have to pay each month.... Why should I be charged for the Digital cable service if I don't have a choice????

Cox Limited Basic 1 17.00
Cox Expanded Service 1 30.99
Digital Cable Service 1 13.95
Cox Digital Video Recorder Service 1 9.95
Digital Suite Digital Cable Discount 1 -10.25
Digital Receiver - DVR/HD 1 5.25
Total Monthly Cable Service $66.89

One of the many mysteries of the world.....

Is there such thing as too good an education??

2008-03-07T12:30:00.000-08:00

Smirk and Grin are both involved in a specialized curriculum called the Health & Medical Occupation Program. This helps kids who want to be doctors or nurses. They have special classes and extra science classes and they have to volunteer a rotation at a local hospital. I think I may be breeding a hypochondriac or this education thing is actually working...
Grin just called to tell me she thinks she is having a stroke or has a tumor. Her basis for this??? Not severe pain in her skull or vision issues or clumsiness (That is a normal occurrence) but she the fact that she keeps smelling fruit loops where ever she goes in school!!!

Uhhh.. I dont even know what to say!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BANkMaLJaY4

Miscommunication or the need for cleaning out my ears!

2008-03-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

What I heard:

Smirk: Mommy we are going to go get Special K. Love you...

First thought was why is my daughter need horse tranquilizers and how the heck does she know about ketamine... This cannot be good, stop ironing, run down stairs and throw yourself in front of their moving vehicle. Demand answers...

What She actually said:

Smirk: Mommy, we are going to get Ice tea at Circle K... Love you

Boy was my face red when she got back and I was ready to strip search and give them a cup to pee into!!!

Easily Seduced

2008-03-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

My household is extremely susceptible to advertising. If a commercial comes on the telly for some fabulous looking food item, Smirk is instantly hungry... Even if I have just fed her a wonderful and filling meal. She needs something... It is amazing she does not weigh 400 pounds. It probably comes from the fact that she never sits still....

Grin on the other hand is influenced by sadness, but only for animals and small children. When one of those "send money to save ____ (insert any animal from dogs, cats, dolphins to great spotted beavers)" she wants to send in her entire bank account. And she probably would if she wasn't the biggest miser in history.

What is my sin you ask??? I am enticed by the gadgets that will save you time and money while making you beautiful, thin and productive!!! I like the garden that grows with out being in the ground.. You know the one I am talking about.. The one where the genetically enhanced lettuce sprouts before your eyes and continues to grow for MONTHS!!!

What about the hooks that will hang anything on your wall and only leave a small hole!! AMAZING!!!

I want a new job, I want someone to pay me to test all of these products.. Think of how fun it would be!!! Like the new one I saw this morning!!!!

This product looked like a travel pillow that curves around your neck but then when you press a button, it stretches your vertebrae so you look like you have a jack in the box neck!!! How fun would that be??? Only problem is that I watched the infomercial at a pre-caffeinated hour and now I cannot remember the name....

Bad Baby...

2008-03-04T11:23:00.000-08:00

We survived the night of the mechanical baby but I discovered 2 things. First, I am extremely glad I had my children early! I could not imagine having to do it over again at this age. Women who have children well into their 40's or beyond are nuts! Little Andi had one cry at a strange pitch that made the hair on the back of my neck tingle. She burped and cooed when she was happy. When the baby would cry or burp, which preceded the cry, the parent was to insert a plastic key into a slot on the babies back. The first cry sounded at 11:30. Grin was already sound asleep so I went in and rescued her and the robo baby from disturbing her slumbering sister. Grin lumbered into my bed and we put the dolly between us. Half hour later, we were again woken by the cry. I jumped up and fixed the squealing while Grin struggled to become coherent enough to figure out what I was doing. The baby woke up every hour either to be burped (the key is labeled burp) or have its diaper changed (again a key) until 4am when it allowed us to sleep uninterrupted until 5:27am... Since the alarm goes off at 5:30 I just decided to stay awake. The only good thing was the Grin does not want to have children for at least 10 years and she has decided that she better have a good husband to help out! I am just glad I really didn't have to change 4 diapers last night!!

The second thing I discovered is that I need a new bed! I cant say I really discovered this as I have known it for about a year, but it just keeps becoming more and more apparent to me. I have had this mattress since Smirk was 1. Since she just turned 18, you do the math! So, why don't I just go get a new mattress... Two issues, I am picky and poor! I put Goldilocks and the Three Bears to shame... I have looked at several of the new mattress and am appalled at not only the price but I don't really like any of the new styles. The foam one felt like I was being smothered while I lay down... Too soft... Several of the new styles are labeled as no turn mattresses. While that sounds great, I had a concern, these mattresses looked huge! I had to almost jump to get up onto the bed. I felt like the princess and the pea. So, I am at a loss, I just don't know where to look. I guess after I win lotto I will choose on of the princess beds and try to channel my inner Royal... Who knows maybe I will finally find my prince... Somewhere... But you gotta kiss a lot of frogs!

Eggs

2008-03-03T12:22:00.000-08:00

Back when I was in high school, the fun project of the year was the baby project.. I am sure you have all seen it.. The high schooler gets to carry around a raw egg for week while naming, and loving and journalling all about the experience of having a baby. My kids have looked forward to that project ever since starting high school and their teachers told them they would be doing it. Smirk never got to do this.. The school either didn't find it valuable or didn't have the funds to buy eggs... Who knows but she missed it... But now in Grin's sophomore year she gets to do this project, but the school district must have won lotto...

Grin's class gets to use this....
These little electronic buggers are programed to go off every hour... They cry and you have to take a key ring and insert the correct key into the babies back... Grin wants the B or E as her choice of baby... The school only has 10 of these so the kids are only required to do this exercise for 24 hours (THANK GOD).

I have two issues with this project... What is wrong with an egg?? What happened to imagination??? I had to make up what I did with my baby.. Did I hold it, what time did it wake up, what did it eat...Then I had to carry it around all day at school in its little decorated easter basket and ensure no clumsy oaf of a football player bumped into me and broke little Emily (I even remember its name)...

Granted this did not in any way prepare me for having my own children...Nor did it force me to wake up in the middle of the night to ear piercing squealing... However, I did learn from the project. I learned that I did not want this responsibility at the age of 15!

The second and far bigger issue is....GRIN CAN SLEEP THROUGH A HURRICANE!!! (I know this, as last night she was sleeping on the telephone, she kept hitting with her toes so it beeped... I got up to go find the source of the crazy beeping and found it under her blanket..Did she move when the noise sounded.. No it took me patting down her bed like a cop checking a suspect to wake her enough to tell me it was on her left foot, which it was no where near)
So tonight when she brings little Andi Royd home, she is going to fall fast asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow and who will have to get up to "care" for the little plastic encased computer? Yup, that's right... You guessed it... ME!! She wanted to do this project over the weekend, so she would have more time to bond with her bundle of microprocessors, but since you have to sign a contract stating you would pay $300 for damage or destruction of baby, and they have a chewing, slobbering beast at their father's house, I did not want to risk it...

I think the school should go back to the days of imagination and let them figure it out how to take care of the kid on their own. Or better yet, for the same amount of money, they could invite a real & baby in, pay for the mom to go to the day spa down the street for treatment while the juveniles each take turns taking care of baby..... That one would be fun to watch!!!

All kidding aside, I do like the intent of this lesson as we do have a teenage mom in the circle of friends that hang out at my house. And I would like to smack this teenage mom every time she brings her now 8 month old baby to my house at night with no socks on her little feet. But I really dont think that a mechanized baby would have prevented this child from having her own child... Maybe I am wrong and this exercise will do some good for the kids who take it seriously....

Damn them to the first gate of hell!!!

2008-02-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

I went to the store near my office to get some lunch and upon walking into the store I was greeted by a sweet little girl in a green jumper!!! I was soo excited! COOKIES!!! Yes! I could taste the thin mints while I searched for my salad and other boring diet food... I got to the check out line... Where I felt oddly out of place.. The woman in front of me was purchasing 6 bottles of wine and two packages of cigarettes for her trip to Vegas while the two women behind me were each purchasing 2 bottles of wine and at least 3 packs of easter chocolate... I had a salad, pack of gum and some quaker rice snacks... Anyway... I get my $10 cash back and rush to the exit doors.... ONLY TO FIND THE LITTLE BRATS WERE GONE! How dare they tease me! They should be tortured! My thighs & waist band thank them but my brain and tastebuds were sorely upset. As I type this I sit eating the quaker rice snacks pretending they are thin mints... It just isnt fair...

Nuts...

2008-02-28T07:44:00.000-08:00

The now settled tv writers strike is killing me... Not only do I have nothing to watch on television and am left to the mercy of MTV or reality shows, but now I find out that the lovely, brilliant execs at NBC have cancelled Las Vegas as of now... They will not be showing the second part of the cliff hanger where they left us last week. They are just going to kill the show.

I understand their dilemma. While I like Tom Selleck, I miss James Caan and Nikki Cox. But the show has gone a little stale, but to not tell us the outcome of Danny & Delinda's baby is just wrong... I enjoy the gooey moments of television! I want to do the awww-ing when we see the happy parents and the cute 6 month old newborn. I enjoy tearing up a little at the mush.. But I am to be denied!!!! Why cant they just shoot the remainder of the season and leave it on a happy note... Bring Ed back from the ether for that series finale... Bring back Nessa and Mary... We need to see one more shot of Mike & Piper....

Well it seems that I am not the only one who thinks this way... The folks at http://lasvegas-theseries.com/ have decided to pull a Jericho! When CBS cancelled Jericho last year a group decided to send the studio nuts as this was something this was a story that was told to our hero Jake about a last stand, something they were facing at the time. The studio received 250 TONS of nuts... So the Vegas junkies at the website above have started a campaign to send baby booties to Ben Silverman at NBC...

Looks like I will be making a Target run tonight!!!

See Spot Run....

2008-02-26T07:39:00.000-08:00

Somehow I found myself on a email list for a popular "mom" website. You know one of those Mom's Unite websites, a place where you can chat with other mom's about pertinent issues facing you and your children... In other words a place where stay at home mom's can whine... I don't have anything against stay at home mom's at all. Trust me I may sound bitter but the abundance of these websites is crazy!

Anyway, the email I received had to do with the amount of homework children are receiving from schools. Since I feel strongly about this and have for several years, I took a peek. There were posts from moms with kids in kindergarten up to 5th grade. Since Smirk and Grin are long out of those grades I felt I needed to tell them to suck it up, it doesn't get any better. These mom's were complaining about little precious having 45 minutes of homework whilst in kindergarten. I wrote to these mummies explaining how on Sunday night, my highschoolers came home from their fathers with the remaining of their weekend homework. They had been working on it off and on all weekend long. Smirk had to finish her essay on Beowulf and her powerpoint presentation on penicillin & Smirk needed to finish her questions on Macbeth. In other words, here is how my Sunday evening went. Driving 20 miles to pick up girls, listen to them bicker all the way home, listen to the argue about who got me first to assist with their remaining homework, wish to all the stars i the heavens I could win lotto so I could get the radio in my car fixed so I could drown out the bickering, get home, sit down at computer with Macbeth in one hand and the other on my phone explaining to the former Mr Amused how to send Smirk's Beowulf essay & power point presentation from her laptop which she left at his house... After receiving said works, I proceed to fix the power point and make it pretty, something she was unable to do because she couldn't get the stupid laptop mouse to work correctly (mental note, look at her laptop when it returns and make sure the mouse touch pad isn't covered in chocolate covered raisin goo) and answer Macbeth questions (mental note, invent time machine and travel back to 1603 and give William Shakespeare something else to write about) Grin could make her way through the old english but she was stuck on how to illustrate several of the passages... Her teacher seemed to think that if they were to draw pictures of the quotes "Out, damned spot; out, I say. One, two,—why, then ’tis time to do’t. Hell is murky" or "Fair is foul, and foul is fair Hover through the fog and filthy air"; this would expand their creativity. I get it, I understand but this is an english class... Not an English Lit class, that would be Smirk's class, but a plain old English class where they are supposed to learn spelling and grammar. How is drawing going to assist in that?
But back to the evening, after the powerpoint came the fluffing of Beowulf. Smirk inherited from her father the worst spelling abilities in history. While Smirk got her assistance, Grin moved on to the remaining spanish questions. I cant help there as my spanish is limited to ordering a taco and a beer/tequila or asking where the bathroom might be at an americanized mexican restaurant. After finishing my portion of the homework, they were left to finish and review their work, I still had to finish the laundry and ready myself for work the next day. Packing lunches for all and ironing my pants.
And I had to do all this before 9pm so we could watch the ending of Pride & Prejudice on Masterpiece Theater. Thank god for DVR!!!
The amazing thing was, after I had ranted all this on the MOM site and hit send, their site rejected my post. Must have been too much of a complaint and they didnt want the other mommies to feel bad

strange things I find...

2008-02-25T14:50:00.000-08:00

at the bottom of my purse...

1 very furry breathmint of unknown date & origin as I have not purchased breathmints in 6 mos
1 bobby pin... who wears bobby pins???
3 pennies
4 un-stapled staples (how did these get there???)
Grin's School id card
a peanut (yes, singular peanut, no shell & no fur??)
and last but not least, a Belle (of the Disney Princess variety, not just french for pretty) Pez dispenser, empty...Seriously, if they are going to dump junk in my purse you would think they would leave me a candy and not a furry breath mint!!!!

The agony of defeat....

2008-02-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

The Lady Dolphins fabulous season has come to a bitter end. The girls basketball program has not had a winning season in over 20 years. The school hasn't even made it to the CIF championship tournament since 1984. But this year, our girls not only took 3rd place in one of the hardest leagues in California, but they made it to the second round of CIF. The boys team only made it to the first round (HA... that will teach the school to only support the boys) I have never been so proud to be a team mom in all of my life.

The girls played so hard last night and even Smirk got a few minutes of court time. They started out strong but the team they were playing just out performed them. There was alot of black eyeliner running and bunch of melancholy athletes. Even the coach was crying. He made them all cry by telling them how they were the best team he has ever coached, and if he didnt have a few of the girls that were on the bench he might never have gotten all of the girls on the team to perform as well as they did. Smirk was included in this group as one of the girls who inspired the others with her attitude. She was crying so hard and so was another one of her friends who was the main inspiration for the team. These two girls who only played in 5 games out of 20 showed up at practice every day and gave 100% in every situation. They cheered the loudest and made sure everyone was pumped up. When they got in the game, they played their very best. These comments from a 6'5" stern and scary man with tears in his eyes had the whole room in tears. It even makes me tear up now...

Now we only have to make it through the end of season banquet without too many tears and that is one more "last thing" for this group of senior girls.

I better stock up on tissues... Maybe buy stock in Kleenex...

The Dolphins win!!!

2008-02-18T08:41:00.000-08:00

So excited as we were to drive up to Saugus... (UGH may I say) we were excited to drive home a winning team!!!! Below is an bitter grape article from the Saugus Newspaper

http://newmedia.the-signal.com/news/article/327/

If you look very carefully over #14's right shoulder, you can see Smirk's eyes & hair... She didnt play but wow what a great game!!!!

The opposing teams coach actually asked the ref's to cut them some slack on fouling our girls because they were all so much taller than their team... I couldnt believe he assumed that they just would go easier on them because of that.... Is it our fault that the Dana Girls ate too much genetically enhanced chicken as children?? The team does have two girls who are just over 6 feet tall and most of the rest are almost there as well.. Then we have a few (Smirk) who dont even hit mid fives....

Sing, sing a song....

2008-02-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

Last week, Grin, my very tall and lovely 15 year old was informed by her Musical Theater teacher, Mrs. Cant Do So Will Teach, that they (the class) needed to pick a song that had 32 cords and sing it in front of the class. Grin came home, not grinning... She does not like to sing in front of anyone, including me. And unfortunately, I believe she is slightly tone deaf... She has never been taught keys nor does she know any notes. I dont either so I am of little help. I can only sing the songs like I know them but cannot read sheet music. Grin is only in musical theater because she has to be in order to be in SOSCA (the South Orange County School of the Arts, think FAME in public school). She wants to learn about acting, not star in a Broadway musical, but these teachers think everyone should and does know about music. As I was not really sure what a 32 cord song was, we decided to call the most musical person we know. Grandpa Guffaw! And as usual he was a great help! Thank you Grandpa!

So we tried to look for a song. I suggested anything from the Sound of Music, as it is easy and fun. But no, Grin said that those songs were overdone. I tried thinking of songs that were sung with a funny accent or mostly spoken, so that she didnt have to try to hit notes. But we couldnt come up with any... So she went and asked the teacher for assistance. The teacher gave her a very large book filled with Broadway bound songs from the last 50 years. I tried suggesting so many from this book... Songs that I love, but little Miss Prim & Proper was not going to have any of it... Songs like Dont Rain on My Parade and Tomorrow were immediately rejected on the basis of hitting the notes... I whole heartedly agreed... But I do not understand what was wrong with 10 Cents a Dance... I love that song! But no, I finally convinced her that she should do I'll Never Fall in Love Again. Another favorite of mine. She wanted to be assured that my singing was actually how the song went so we had to look it up on YouTube and found a version sung by the Carpenters. Ah the memories!!!

Soothed by the fact that I really did know this song and was very sure in my singing of it. She had me sing it over and over again until she was exactly sure of how it was supposed to go. But being Grin, she still wont sing it in front of me. So she went off to take a shower and sung it in there. But was having great difficulty with one of the "again" notes near the ending of the song lines. It was just coming out flat. After 12 more times of singing this song to her, I now have it stuck in my head. It was stuck in my dream... And I still have one more day of practicing with her.

But back to the big issues. Grin is petrified. She is so scared of having to sing in front of her class that I had to fall back on another Carpenter's hit to try to give her confidence a boost and to get the other song out of my head. As her confidence was waning I stood up on the bed and belted "Dont worry that its not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song".. This brought a very large grin to her face but she is still scared to death.... I am going to have to keep singing the Carpenters song book all night long....

Dangerous Reading

2008-02-12T08:44:00.000-08:00

Since January has now passed, so has my first month of the Year of Reading Dangerously Challenge. I have finished reading my first challenge, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. All I can say is that Charles must have been going through a very strange time in his life when he penned this novel. I have read other books by Charles but this one was the first where I was only sympathetic with one of the characters... And he was a very minor character... The main character, Pip, was horrid. I really didn't care for him or about him in any way. If there was one book I did not want to finish, this was it...

But onto the next challenge, African American Literature... The next book is the Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. She is an impressive writer, having won a Pulitzer and a Nobel Prize for literature. The Bluest Eye is about a black impoverished family living in the midwest. It speaks to child molestation and racism... I have only gotten about 2 chapters in and so far, all I feel is pity and revulsion...

I am glad I started this challenge as these are two books, I would never have considered reading... I know for Great Expectations, I would have just watched the movie and the Bluest Eye, I would have (and did) walked by this book in the book store and not bothered to stop. Hopefully reading this book will expand my thoughts and feelings toward another genre of writing and people in this world.

Why I bring my lunch....

2008-02-08T12:35:00.000-08:00

Today the boss was stuck on meetings all day long (my fault as I like him occupied when he is town instead of asking me to do meaningless tasks which keep me from my foodblogging obsession) but he was not going to be able to leave the office to get some lunch. I knew this and did not bring my lunch so I thought I would be able to treat my self to lunch that someone else prepared!! I went and got him his lunch, although I do not believe Jamba Juice is an adequate lunch for a man in his 40's who has high blood pressure and a demanding job....But I am not a nutritionist and he doesn’t read this blog so it doesn’t matter. Anyhoo... Because I work and live in a fairly affluent area, its not Newport or anything but still there are upper middle class folks wandering around, I am never surprised to see groups of "Ladies" lunching....So as I was standing in line at the Corner Bakery waiting to order my favorite salad, the Lady in front of me, with 2 year old in tow, was trying to peruse the menu, look for a table and control her son at the same time... Unable to multi-task efficiently, she kept her eye out for the table, and on the menu but not on "Michael". I know this is the child’s name, because every two seconds she would remember the child, look down and say, "Michael, Stop that!" and remove his hands from whatever object he was currently attempting to demolish. I was faintly reminded on the Bill Cosby Skit "Jeffrey"(if you are not familiar check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0cYJUqJys... Go ahead, we will wait...Are you back??? Good, keep that image in mind)

Michael was bored...It was probably past his nap time and he just wanted to roam. So instead of nurturing her child and entertaining his mind and occupy his hands, she at the next glance towards his grubby, chubby little fingers reaching for the lovely cookies wrapped and tied with a bow for purchase, she grabbed his little hand, slapped it, and said No! in a low growl that probably frightened the diapers off this tot. She then heaved him up into her "loving" arms and proceed to pay attention to everything else in the restaurant other than the bored little child rubbing his snotty nose on her Ann Taylor Blouse.

Needless to say I was extremely glad to be getting my food to go, because if this is the way she was in line, imagine how much attention Michael was going to receive when she finally sat down at the table with her posse.

Now you may wonder, by this time the purpose of this rant... Is the crazy woman against hitting a child? Is she against Lunching Ladies?? Or Lunch Ladies or restaurants in general?? Is she against small, grubby, snotty children?? No... Not really, I think I am against people having the offspring and then not paying attention to them or nurturing their little self worths...All she had to do was talk to the little bugger... She just needed to ask him what he wanted for lunch or ask him to look around and see if he could find the elephant. Of course there is no elephant in the Corner Bakery, but it would keep him occupied....Think of the meltdown that child is going to have when he gets to the table and no one pays him any mind until they go to smack him... Poor Little Michael... Maybe he should have stayed home with the Nanny....

I hear the first step is to admit you have a problem...

2008-02-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Smiley and I am a food-blog-aholic. I love food blogs!!! I eat (all puns intended) them up!!! I enjoy devouring strangers’ words on interesting foods and prep techniques in all corners of the glob. The delicious looking photos inspire me to create new and wonderful treats. Even though I suck as a baker, I want to melt chocolate and whisk cream and grate lemon zest and whole nutmeg. I have always been addicted to the Food Network, but this could become a problem. I sit in my little cubicle at work, on conference calls and peruse sites like http://tartelette.blogspot.com/ and http://www.pinchmysalt.com and dream of how cool it would be to make some of these confections. You may not think this to be a problem, but it can be...
Since I love to cook, my poor offspring have been subjected to many a disaster dinners that have been inspired by recipes I have seen on the web. This also brings about my love for grocery shopping.. Not the day to day drudgery shopping but the explore the aisles and look for cool and unusual products. While I dont get to buy many, a month ago, inspired by a post about braising, I did purchase two pounds of beef short ribs. I have never cooked such a product, but I was so intrigued by this post I had to try. These ribs have sat in my freezer waiting, patiently biding their time until my creativity was unleashed. This happened yesterday.
I was working from home and while on another conference call from hell, I rediscovered the braising post. Creativity unleashed I bound to the freezer, started throwing open cupboards, sharpening knives (Thank goodness for mute on conference calls). After the call had ended, and follow up emails had been sent, I started in. I chopped onions and spices. I seared those little ribs and prepared the braising liquid. It was wonderful. Soon the house was filled with the aroma of meaty goodness. Then with even more inspiration I set out to prepare what could go with this meaty wonder and decided that I needed something crunchy to go with it...So I promptly started slicing again, this time potatoes, they were to be parboiled and sautéed until they were crunchy and flavorful. By the time I was done, the offspring were salivating and begging for dinner to start... Eureka!!! I had done it!!! The meal was wonderful and satisfying... Grin didnt like the potatoes, she would rather have them mashed, but Smirk could appreciate the crunchy texture with the soft veggies and meat. They both agreed this was a winner and asked that it be added to our dinner repertoire. (Auntie, we do have leftovers.. I will be bringing them to you this weekend!)
So all in all, my addiction to food blogs cannot be bad, and I thank each and every inspiring blogger out there, hopefully all my inspirations will turn out that good and my poor little offspring will not have to suffer too much!!!

reduce, reuse, re-what???

2008-01-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

I really believe in global warming, although I want to know where the warm is as I sit in sunny So Cal in 48 degree weather... But I want to do my part. I try only to run the dishwasher when it is full, I do only full loads of laundry and hang them to dry (most of them anyway, there is just no drying the socks from a drying rack in my garage). As I live in an apartment and don't have land or a back yard or heck, even a front yard, it is sometimes very difficult to do such energy saving and environmentally conscious things as suggested by the homemaking mavens of TV land. I cant put up solar panels to harness the energy from the sun. I cant make a compost pile. I am not allowed to have pets so the cow that would graze on the overgrown grass and provide the mass amounts of milk my children seem to require each week is not allowed by the city, nor the neighbors I am sure.

So instead I decided to recycle. So I checked into how we could utilize the waste removal company to recycle as if we lived in a private residence. This company informed me that the apartment complex would have to pay an additional fee to have recycle bins placed alongside the regular trash bins. The apartment complex informed me that this was not feasible for them.

Fine, I will do it my self. I dutifully separated the cardboard and plastics that were all deemed recycle-able at my local drop off location. I called and made sure the local recycle yard could indeed take the cardboard and milk cartons that seem to be plentiful around my house. We sorted and stacked and crushed for a month. While that doesnt seem like a long time or could we amass a large amount of items, we sure as heck did. It amazes me how much packaging is used in grocery products. When finally we couldnt move around the pile in the kitchen and garage, we decided it was time for a trip to the center!

We loaded up bag after bag (paper mind you) into the car and drove down. The recycle center is a shed with a hole in the wall that has some kind of suctiony electronic barcode reader in it. The gentlemen who worked there were not helpful, nor could (would) they speak English. So in my broken and virtually non existent Espanol I asked where to begin. He rolled his eyes and pointed at the hole in the wall. Ok, I thought, undaunted, I can do this.. How difficult can it be... I proceeded to shove the recycle-ables through the whole in the wall until the machine spit them back at me and made this horrible screeching noise. The kind worker came over and motioned for me to move. He made the machine stop screeching then he proceed to throw half my items onto the ground. I was kindly informed that they dont accept the milk cartons and cardboard. I told him that their office said that all items could be taken at these drop off locations. He grunted and said "Fine but I wont give you money for them" I was taken aback at his lack of manners but got over that rather quickly. I said kindly that it was fine, I just wanted to do my part to reduce and save the planet. I didnt expect money from it too. He just grunted. After he "assisted" me in the shoving of my items through the hole in the wall, he handed me a little slip of paper that allowed me to redeem my $5.24 at the local grocery store for my acceptable recycling materials. I thanked him profusely and wanted to kick him in his ungrateful assets as without people like me who were trying to do their part, he wouldnt have this job. I got into my car and prepared to drive away. I got down the drive way and happened to glance into my rearview mirror. There to my disgust was the kind man shoving my cardboard and unacceptable items into the grocery stores dumpster.

So what is the point of this rant you ask?? The point is how is the world going to change when the people who are supposed to be representatives of the green organization doing their part dont really give a good damn about the environment or anything other than collecting a paycheck??? Are we all really that apathetic about the future of our civilization?

Thank you I am now stepping down off my soapbox!!!!

The pictures

2008-01-30T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yes Auntie, even with the cell phone cameras that didnt really capture the moment we had to wait and get them from someone else.. I was out on the court with her, as you can see below... and the other kid and adults in the audience didnt have the necessary thought processes to extricate the camera from the bra holding pouch and snap a few photos...

Enjoy, I know I did....

The smile that is plastered on Smirk & my faces are the results of us talking to eachother without moving our lips as the announcer read off her hobbies which include "long walks on the beach and collecting bunny figurines" She is insane....

Oh yes it's ladies night and the feelings right!

2008-01-28T09:49:00.000-08:00

OH WHAT A NIGHT!!! Saturday night was senior night for the Lady Dolphins basketball team... This is the one night a year when my poor little benchwarmer gets to play!!! Usually this night takes place at the last home game of the year. But since they are playing their arch rivals during that last game, the coach decided that it would be less stressing to have this on a non league night. Senior night is where all the benchwarmers who are seniors and this will be there last year on the basketball team are honored. This means that these sweet girls get to walk to the center court with their parents and have some nice things said about them, then some lovely pictures taken (yes pictures will follow and be updated when we receive them). It is really nice and there are tears and flowers and then the game...This gets them all pumped up and excited to play especially since some of them haven't seen court time since last season. So Smirk actually applied a little eye make up and made her hair look all pretty and was escorted out to center court by her Mummy and Daddy. She was sooo excited. As the announcer said all of her interests and hobbies and the pictures were done, she was ambushed by her friends in the crowd who adorned her with flower lei's and hugs.

Then the game started. Smirk didn't start but she did play... She scored an almost three pointer (her foot slipped behind the line at the last minute so it was only a two) but SHE MADE IT IN!! That was all I cared about. One of the girls on the opposing team was a little rough, she was a bulldog and was just a bit on the abusive side. At one point in play she hit Smirk so hard it took a second and Smirk got this strange look on her face, that said "HEY, SHE JUST PUNCHED ME" and then it was on... Smirk is an aggressive little player and does not take anything from anyone. She ran down the court stole the ball, passed it and assisted with another basket. Then she brought the ball in from sidelines, called the play the coach had instructed, passed the ball, the swoosh ran up the middle of the court and basically caught up with the ball and helped save her own pass from being stolen. The coach remarked after the game how he had never seen her move that fast before. To which my little smartass replied, maybe if you would put me in more, you would see it...

All in all we were extremely proud of our little senior and cant wait for the pictures to share. Next up, graduation, we hope!!

Politics....

2008-01-18T13:11:00.000-08:00

As a dutiful mommy, I have tried to teach my children lessons that they will need in life, not only history, math (ha) and English, but actual life lessons. For instance...As a child, it was 1. don't pick your nose 2. don't kick sand in the school yard 3. be nice to animals and old people 4. respect your teachers. As they get older the lessons change a little, don't smoke (it is disgusting), don't eat snacks from a common snack bowl (see item 1 up above as not all mommies teach their children this lesson), don't drink alcohol as it is illegal, and above all if you do something stupid do not allow photographic evidence as this may come back to haunt you when you are running for president.

Since they were old enough to understand the political process (although are any of us really old enough to understand this process?) we have been voting together... On election night or now the night I receive my absentee ballot, we spread out all the amassed paper that has been sent to the house by the candidates, smear campaigns and all and look at their stance on issues and then try to pick a candidate.. We have in the past wanted to just write in Mickey Mouse or Goofy since we didn't really care for any of the candidates... Especially since one year we were watching the returns on TV and I hadn't been to the polls yet but we were informed that California was all ready accounted for and Bush had won... This year will be slightly different as Smirk is now eligible to vote... She is very opinionated (although I have no idea of where she gets this trait). She does not like Obama, but not because of his race, she does not like the fact that he is trying to get the black vote although he was pretty much raised white... He is not ghetto but tries to identify with them... She doesn't like Hillary not because of her gender, but because Smirk wants to be the first woman president... She doesnt understand if Guliani is really running... She isnt sure about Huckabee, but doesnt think he can win just on his name alone... The other candidates she is leaving to me.. She wants me to help her with those just like we have done in the past.. Only problem... I am ready to vote for Mickey again.....

Oh whatever shall we do.... Now I know why we were taught never to talk politics in polite company.... UGH!!!

Help me understand...

2008-01-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

So we were attempting to watch some television the other night and since the writers strike in Hollyweird, there is a minute chance that a new episode of one of our favorites will be on, so we surf. We come across a show about Miss America and changing the face of the Miss America contest. While I usually despise "reality" shows (other than Top Chef) we decided to take a chance. This might actually be humorous. I was outraged!!! First they have all of the current contestants for the Miss America pageant staying in a giant house. They plan on putting them through contests to identify their weaknesses and try to change them for the better. The current challenge was at a dinner with a special guest... The ladies were stumped.. who would be their special guest??? the guest was CONTROVERSY! Wow, they got to sit at tables randomly and talk about subjects that might be put to them in the question portion of the pageant. Great, I thought, finally changing the game and getting some real answers out of the bubble heads that usually speak at this pageant! (I am reminded of the movie Miss Congeniality!!) So they discuss... The topic of premarital sex comes up at one table. Most of them say it is a sin and it should never happen and more blah blah blah hot air.... Finally the judge at the table steps in and says that since she has been listening then everyone at this table must be a virgin. And then proceeds to ask if that is true... You could hear the crickets chirping and the wind blowing through the extensions in their hair. A few spoke up and said yes, absolutely, but one gave this long winded answer about nothing! (our next senator from Alaska)... So then we go to judging, I am hopeful!! I think great, maybe the judges will comment on how these women are idiots but are supposed to be the role models for young women in society and represent our country internationally... BUT NO!!! What do they discuss??? The amount of makeup and hair spray used by each contestant to come to the dinner... So the discussions that were just had meant nothing... NOPE, they just kept going back to the make up and the sparkles. I had to turn it off.. I would rather watch reruns of Laverne & Shirley or Mork & Mindy.. I am done, no more reality TV.. I just cant take it... It just proves to me how much stupidity there is in our country!!! I give up on trying to make people believe that you should be judged on what you think and what is inside your heart, no from now on I will only judge by looks, but in reverse.. The uglier some one is the more they will have my respect... Pretty people will be damned... Stupid people will be rounded up and sent to an island in the Bermuda triangle... Or I can do what every one else does...just sit back and do nothing...

Basketball update!

2008-01-10T12:04:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, Smirk is on the varsity basketball team. The exciting news is they have now qualified to play in the state championship tournament!!! For the first time in 15 years, the girls basketball program has qualified for anything! This means they have won 12 games. So far the record is 12 & 2! Our first home game is tonight! Hopefully they will be 13 & 2!! I will have her picture very soon!!!

New Year... New ????...

2008-01-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! This new years I realized something very strange. New Years is just another day.... Nothing exciting... Nothing like when I was young dreaming of being older and able to go out to amazing parties all dressed up, dancing the night away with friends, kissing someone at midnight. I polled my friends...None of them remember any nights like that either. Maybe it was during my youth when the only thing I kissed at midnight was the top of a baby's head or toddlers as I tucked them into their covers. But now it is Smirk's turn to dream. She is at the crazy age where you are an adult, but not really as you cant really do anything adult. Sure you can stay out past midnight, but where do you go? A party...well that was a bust, a club?? No you cant as your friends are all younger than you and they cant get in... So you end up at a friends house doing nothing but watching movies, pausing to watch the ball drop. Then falling asleep...

New years day was much more amusing...for me anyway. As I did not have a hangover or was lacking in sleep in any way. I decided to take a turn around the harbor. It was very relaxing as I sat in the weak California sun watching the strange things maneouver down the channel. A few kayakers were out as well as a woman standing gondelier style on a surf board type vessel as she paddled down the channel. It looked a little odd, but fun. Then came the barrage of little dogs barking at the squirrels who live on this rather bleak looking edifice poking its way out of the blue Pacific. For those who dont live by the sea, the marina where I live was created by people dumping tons of boulders and rocks into the ocean at the appropriate point to create a wave break where the boats can pass safely behind into the marina area. This way the marina isnt pounded by heavy surf. But it doesnt look very pretty...Just jutting rocks and oil slicks... No palm trees or sand hiding the boulders...It is a very nice place to walk though...

After the barrage of little dogs yipping, I decided to walk down to the little shops in the marina. I really thought it would be empty but I was wrong! There were tons of people heading to the ferry that heads to Catalina. I thought how fun would that be...Going to Catalina for the day...If only I were dressed more appropriately...Sweat pants and ugg boots would not do for a day trip to an island...No, I should be dressed ala Doris Day in the Glass Bottom Boat... I could stow away on the ferry and spend the day galavanting on the in the surf... But since I wasnt sure of what they do to stowaways now days, I figured jail was not the best way to spend my day off... Maybe this next year will be better and I can afford the trip and the clothes and spend the first day of the New Year on an island... Happy New Year All!!

Finally the true meaning of Christmas!

2007-12-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

Now that my melancholy has passed I can write about our Christmas! Our families actual Christmas took place on Christmas eve this year. Since my divorce the ex Mr. & I have switched off days for the holiday. One year I will get Christmas morning and he will have the whole day and Smirk's birthday (boxing day for some in the world, but our holiday is Smirkday). Each year is different. This year it was my year for Christmas eve and morning. But something has changed, more on that later.

Christmas eve was a wonderful day. Both of my daughters slept in whist I got up and started cooking other wise known as over-cooking according to Smirk. I also was cleaning, or stressing as they put it... What they don't understand is that maybe twice a year when people come to my house, I have to give it a really good clean.. The rest of the time is just surface clean... So it is my time to trick the ladies into really scrubbing!! We were going to have my family over for the evening. That consists of my auntie, my granny, brother, his wife and the two youngest members of the family, Shrieks & Giggles. Shrieks is 8 and just has the loudest laugh I think I have ever heard. She looks like my brother, with light brown hair and his nose. Giggles is 3 1/2, she looks like her mom, dark hair and fair skin and is amazing. They are so much like Grin and Smirk except reversed. Shrieks' personality is more like Grin's and Smirk and Giggles are so much alike it is frightening... They are and were both very independent and had/have no fear. It was a delight to have small one's in the house, but it was very strange. Since they are Jewish, my tree nor decorations had any affect on them. We have had some little ones come over and are just in awe of the tree and the living room ceiling full of lights, but nothing from these two... But they were there...We had a lovely buffet dinner consisting of ham and chicken strips, scalloped potatoes, veggies and dip, hummus, spinach dip and crackers, and desert. For desert I made key lime bars and blackberry apple crumble. YUMMY

I have discovered that my girls now have a new emotion... Compassion... They have always had hints of it hiding below the surface, but this year... New levels... Smirk and Grin wanted to be with me in the morning to open presents and have our normal cup of cheer (coffee to most, hot chocolate for Grin) but they wanted to leave as soon as possible... Why you ask...Had they had enough of me and wanted to get to the good presents??? No, they wanted to leave because they didn't want to make their 9 year old half brother T wait too long to open presents... You see, Christmas morning has usually lasted until 11am and poor T sits longingly looking at his gifts piled under the tree, waiting until his sisters arrive. Poor little thing.... So we opened presents at 6:30am and then dressed and were on the road by 7:30. It made me happy to think that my girls finally realize what it means to care about someones feelings above their own. Isn't that the true meaning of Christmas. Best wishes to all and a happy new year!!!!

Very merry real birthday to her!

2007-12-26T10:25:00.000-08:00

Today is Smirk's 18th (Gasp) Birthday... Stand by for a moment while I go breathe into a paper bag.....

are you still there? Almost done...

Ok, better... She is 18... Legal, an adult... (HA) She can vote, drive her friends legally in my car, she can stay out past midnight (not that I will allow it, but she could). She is grown...

I sit here fondly reflecting on the past 18 years and how much she has changed. She was always an independent child, never afraid, didnt show pain and was always smiling.... And now she is still independent, but also has become strong, fearless and cannot wait to enter the real world.

I envy her, she has her whole life ahead of her. Many choices and wonderful things to see and become. She has decided to go to junior college until she decides where to go and what degree to pursue. She wants to join law enforcement but isnt sure where. But even when she becomes the top cop or federal agent, she will always be my baby!

Strange things where I live

2007-12-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

There are some really strange things in California... People, Hollywood stars and socialites, did I mention people. But this was the first time I had ever experienced a strange building... I took a friend to the doctor yesterday... She was having some sort of shot into her vertebrae to help alleviate a pinched nerve, and we couldn't find the address...This isn't the strange thing as building numbers in Orange County tend not to make sense, either they don't follow numerical order or they are the same length as the national deficit, but this building didn't seem to exist. We followed the directions provided but did not see what seemed to look like a doctor's office. They only thing we saw was what looked like apartments... It seemed to be on a hill so I drove that way just to see if maybe something wasn't tucked in with these apartments. Imagine our surprise as we drove around to see this surgery center in these apartment buildings. The whole apartment complex had been converted into office suites and most of them medical offices... It looked really really shady, but when my friend went into the back office, she said it looked just like her doctors office.... What is next hospital in a food court??

High kicks, sparkles and camels...oh my!!!

2007-12-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

Last evening Grin and I were treated to a lovely holiday outing by Grin's best friend Princess Smiley Face and her mommy. It was a Mommy / Daughter outing to the Performing Arts Center in Costa Mesa to see the Rockettes Christmas Special. Yes, the real Rockettes, straight from Radio City. The young ladies got all dressed up (some less than the others...GRIN... she doesnt like to wear dresses you see). Pictures will be forthcoming as the family camera otherwise known as Grin's christmas gift last year, was on loan to the Ex Mr. Amused but the other Mommy's had cameras with them... Anyway, we got dressed up and made up and went to the show. Everyone looked great and the show was wonderful but then the strangest thing happened... Santa & the Rockettes left the stage to be replaced by a camel, several wisemen, sheep and a donkey. From what I understand the original RadioCity Rockettes show has a live nativity scene at the end of the performance so.. in turn... did we.. But it just seemed out of place and a little anti climatic. Not that it wasnt beautiful, but after an hour and half of sparkly out fits and high kicks and Santa suits, to have Mary & Joseph parading across the stage with the "baby jesus" and his livestock just seemed weird.. I kept waiting for the wisemen and followers to drop the robes and start high kicking and jazz hands around the baby...I wanted the camel to do the splits and sheep to sing.. Is that wrong???

This is what scientists do all day???

2007-12-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

I thought the scientists of the world were supposed to be out there curing diseases or finding new forms of fuel to ensure survival of the species.. Are you telling me they sit in a lab and study pregnant women to determine why they don't fall over...

http://www.nature.com/news/2007/071212/full/news.2007.374.html

What a cushy job... I want to sit around and determine the obvious... Are you seriously telling me that it has taken 5000 years of mankind to determine that women carry pregnancy weight by using the flexibility of the spine and vertebrae?? Gee is that why we walk like ducks when pregnant or stand with our hands in the small of our backs due to pain and pressure??? I had not even realized that... Maybe this should the the Duh award for the year? Where are my drugs to eliminate all disease or the magic pill to make me thin and fat free?? Where is the car that will cleanly on a non fossil fuel??

The epitome...

2007-12-12T10:17:00.000-08:00

I have seen it all now... Not only are we a materialistic country, but we are also very very lazy.... I saw this on another blog (Thank you to the Food Whore http://www.thefoodwhore.com/) but I just had to check it out for myself... I do love this store... I have never purchased from this store, but it is just a beautiful place... But to pay $99.95 for this...

This machine is an electronic martini shaker... From Sur La Table. Are you kidding me... We have gotten to lazy to shake a martini??? How much time does it actually save??? I think the cocktail shaker is a romanticized notion from the swinging past that should be continued. The cocktail shaker makes one think of a smoky bar, with a piano player pounding out tunes, and a sultry singer on stage crooning a sad ballad from days gone by... A notion of a rat packer shaking out a martini for Deano.... Or the Donna Reedesque housewife in her starched apron shaking out that drink for her hubby who will be walking through the door in 5 minutes... Or of Bond ordering that martini shaken not stirred in his debonair way.

What should I expect from the store that has the most beautiful chefs knife on sale for $299.95....

Snow flurries...

2007-12-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

Do you hear it?? .......... Isn't it great... the sound of nothing... After a week of activity, flurrying and hurrying, praying at every possible moment for snow in mammoth.... it is quiet at my house. Grin and Smirk have gone skiing with the Ex Mr Amused. There are not 6 teenage bodies lounging in my living room, sucking down any food that hits the counter in my kitchen. But wow, were they needy... They wanted cookies for the trip, then to borrow my warm clothes, then to wash all the clothes in the house....So finally after baking 4 dozen peanut butter cookies (half of them we dubbed Reece's cookies as I dipped them in chocolate) and doing mass loads of laundry..... The house is silent. Except for the hum of the Christmas lights hung from the ceiling (no tree yet) and the TV babbling softly in the background, there is peace in the house....

The saddest part of this story is me...What do I do when my kids are gone?? Sit on the couch at night like a loser and sing along with Mary Poppins... Do I need a life or what.....

Dirty....

2007-11-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

So I am sure you have seen those strange commercials on the telly.. Where it states you should go elfyourself... That just sounds so lascivious!! But anyway... I am a sucker for the strange, so I did it! I elf'd myself.... check it out!!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9633101440

This is the only and last time you will ever see any of us do this again!!!!

Good God, is he still alive???

2007-11-27T11:35:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid my parents used to watch 60 minutes every Sunday evening especially the Andy Rooney segment. I hated this.. He was boring and old and talked funny... Well not much has changed.. I still don't care much for 60 minutes, but I do sometimes find Andy Rooney amusing and a little bit acerbic..But I had no idea he was still alive... I mean he was old when I was a kid and now.. WOW he is really old. But I was turned on to a recent segment by my auntie who had said he talked to people about what they carry with them while walking through New York. And it got me to thinking.. I really don't carry much on my person and I rarely walk anywhere. Not due to laziness but due to the fact that where I live is primarily a car centric community. The public transportation is not great. We do not have a subway and the geography is very spread out. For instance, I work 20 miles from where I live... Cant really walk that, no subways.. There is train but I would have to walk about 5 miles to get to the train and 7 miles from the station to the office.. Not exactly convenient... Healthy I think, but not convenient....

So anyway here is my thought, does a car replace a bag here in California? Several people I know carry so much stuff in their cars that they could qualify as a vacation home. I personally carry at least two books with me at all times... You never know when you might need a little something to read... I also have two water bottles, several pencils (all left behind by Smirk and Grin's holey book bags), two lip glosses, tissues, several pairs of extra shoes in case of a costume malfunction, jackets, a blanket and a packet of instant oatmeal, you never know when you might need oatmeal... This is far more than I carry in my purse... Lip gloss, credit card, spare change, keys....

So which are you? Are you a car or bag type person??? Or is there a third type... The minimalist??? How many types are there?? Maybe Andy needs to do some more research... After all, New York is not the capital of the world... Or is it just he is so old, that he isn't allowed outside of the Big Apple anymore...

Sickness

2007-11-26T11:18:00.000-08:00

What a fun Thanksgiving weekend! HA! If your version of fun is not leaving the house and holding someone's hair every two hours, then you would have loved my weekend. Smirk crawled into my bed at 2am on Saturday morning complaining that her stomach hurt. She does not like to be sick at all but is very stoic about the ordeal so when she started throwing up and has tears streaming down her face and her whole body was heaving with her, she was the most pathetic little thing... She did not leave her bed for two days. She finally started to feel better Sunday afternoon and got alot of sleep. I however need more sleep... And less work to do... Re-washing sheets and sanitzing bathrooms was not the way I wanted to spend my 4 day weekend!!!

Thanksgiving!!!

2007-11-21T09:50:00.001-08:00

I love Thanksgiving. I love to cook, and eat (obviously shown in the size of my pants), I love to spend time with my family and others while eating and cooking. I love pie and all fall foods... However, I do dislike the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday.. It disturbs me how Christmas decorations go up the day after Halloween and two weeks ago Santa was making the rounds at the local strip mall across the street from my house. ( I did tell Smirk & Grin that we should go over and visit him and throw turkey legs at him until he ran screaming from the mall) And since I work for the sales division of a large wireless telecom retailers (otherwise known as the fat kid in the alltell commercials) I really hate Black Friday. But there are two extreme forces at work on this evil day:

The shoppers - why in god's name would you want to get up and go to a store at 4am just to get that pair of jeans for 40% off or more??? 4am?? Is that reasonable to ask an employee to get up at 3am just be there while the middle class buy bulk underwear and candles??? Or to stand in line later in the day with those same people who have been shopping since 4am... They are not friendly or happy or merry...

The other factions at work are these guys http://adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/
While I think their message is good somewhat impractical, I do support the thought behind no shopping on Black Friday.

My boss might not like to hear me spout the anti shopping line, since it is one of our biggest revenue days of the year, but oh well... Company line be damned.... NO SHOPPING FOR ME ON THE 23rd of NOVEMBER!!!

Extreme Sport...

2007-11-21T09:25:00.001-08:00

Ever feel sympathy towards a hamster in a the spinning wheel.. How about the movie "The boy in the plastic bubble"? Want to be like them???

This is the new extreme sport with locations popping up all around the world. They have locations all over the world, but just a few.. Most in New Zealand as this is where this interesting trend came from... But if you are in Tennessee or Europe you can partake... Not only can you roll around in a giant plastic ball, but they will add water, warm water to the inside of the ball so soothe you as you roll! Check out their site!

http://www.zorb.com/main.html

Poor, negelected & underappreciated...

2007-11-20T10:05:00.000-08:00

Crosswalks.....So graciously provided by the city to ensure the walking public's safety. Most cities have thoughtfully provided the little green man and hand to tell you when to cross. Some have even made them motion-censored as to not have to reach down and push a button to let the computer know you are ready to cross. They have voices to tell the blind when they cross and what intersection they have reached... This 3 foot wide strip of painted haven ensures that the woman applying her mascara as she drives down the surface streets, does stop when you cross the street at the appropriate time. Is it just laziness that drives people to cross the street 300 yards from the nearest crosswalk or are they just that much better than everyone else, that they deserve to saunter across the avenue where ever they please? Are their feet too good to be placed in the painted area?? Maybe it is their shoes, just too expensive to be forced to walk in the designated area???

I just don't understand. Last evening while driving home in the dusky, last rays of daylight, I slammed on brakes to allow a very arrogant man to hustle across the street just a short distance away from pedestrian safety area. As I glared at him, hostile because not only did I almost hit him, in his dark black, albeit very nice suit, but he had the audacity to yell (curse like a drunken sailor) at me for coming to a screeching halt in the middle of the road while he jaywalked across the lane. As if I interuppted his deep thoughts while he darted into traffic. (By the way, who is Jay and why did he start this insidious practice?)

Since working for the large telecom conglomerate that I do, I have seen my share of stupid, but this group of renegade walkers seem to own a rather large portion of the stupid pie...

More on Cars...

2007-11-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

Teens in cars... It is a right of passage. They struggle to get their license and then are off... Spreading their wings and flying (at 90 miles an hour in a 50 zone) while the parents sit at home on pins and needles waiting for them to get home....I was waiting. Waiting for the frantic phone call... "Mom, I am lost" or "Mommy, I broke your car"...But it didnt come! Smirk drove her and Grin to their father's house for the first time....alone... This sounds like a So What moment...But we live in Southern California and her father lives over 30 miles away from our little house.. So that means the child who was afraid to drive over the speed limit on surface streets and does not like to change lanes because she does not like other cars even though they were usually 5 car lengths away...

I sat on my couch waiting... Devising a plan... How would I get to her to rescue her when she called in tears saying that the car speeding down the freeway and tailgating her had scared her too much to drive any further... What could I do, she had my car, I was left with the topless BMW convertible...But being supermom, I resolved that I would put on many layers and soar through the night to rescue my helpless child. Did I need to sit and worry about this... No. She did just fine. She even changed lanes on the 5 freeway. Granted it was now past 8pm on a Friday night so traffic had died down alot so I really didnt need to be quite as nervous as I was, but more to my dismay... Her father was not nervous at all, in fact.... He went to bed. Didnt even wait for them to arrive... Just yawn, think I will get some sleep now... The girls will get here eventually... How could he not be worried... This was precious cargo...Cargo that was driving itself careening down the freeway, not used to the dangers that are out in the world. Thinking she is invincible because in her mind, she is and will never be hurt...And he goes to BED.

Smirk told me I was being silly and she was fine and this was a good thing because I should stop worrying about her and let her take care of herself... My reply... "What!! I was not worried about You, I was concerned about the status of my lovely car & your passenger...Why should I worry about you??" That took the smirk right off her face...

I did tell her with a smile that it was not true and I was worried about her... and her passenger...and of course, my car...

Why do people call cars She??

2007-11-08T08:51:00.000-08:00

The former Mr. Amused brought Junior, Grin & Smirk's stepbrother, down to our house to go out trick or treating with his sisters for Halloween.. He also brought another treat... Smirk's new vehicle...This vehicle has now taken MY place in the garage because it is a convertible... A BMW convertible...Sounds great right???? Well... This car seems to have been owned by a very sleazy man as it looks as though the top was attacked by werewolves or an extremely angry and vindictive woman in a very bad mood that Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream with whipped cream & sprinkles would not appease! The whole soft top is slashed in about 10 places, the little plastic window, which I am sure you could see out of at one point in 1992 (the car is a 91) has several holes that look like they were punched through in a fit of agony. The car is white and drives well but you just cant put the top up. Or roll the window down on the passenger side.

Because the car had been sitting for so long, it needs to be started everyday to ensure the charge stays in the battery, and it really needed and oil change. So every day I would start it, drive it a short way, down to the school to pick up the girls. They could sit in the car and wave at their acquaintances walking down the street like the Rose Court on New Years Day. Quite fun! We talked about going to the thrift store and getting some really cool vintage scarves to protect our hair as we drove down coast highway. Just until we could afford to get the top fixed... All great plans... Until Sunday...

On Sunday my normally reliable vehicle, Molly, decided it had enough of this interloper in her warm cozy sleeping area... So she decided that she was going to taunt us and blow a circuit in her radio and heater area of the center console. Since we had a lot of area to cover and needed tunes, we decided we would take the new car on our journey down to the Ex Mr. Amused's House and a basketball game and back.. Not a horrendously long trek, but still a few hours in the car. So Smirk and I set out. So off we rolled to Manny, Moe and Jack to get the oil changed. And for some strange reason the lovely mechanics doing the oil change decided that they needed to roll down the passenger side window to perform this changing of fluids... This window does not roll back up... I guess I should have informed them, but I wasn’t aware of the situation either... And did not really think about rolling down the windows in a car to perform an oil change.
So not only do we not have a roof, but we now have an open wind tunnel.. So off we go, in the autumn marine layer, down Pacific Coast highway... The sun was out, wait, it went behind the clouds, wait there it was.. Nope, sun was gone.. It was still a very balmy 70 until we started down the freeway... Ok a bit chilly and kinda loud but we would be fine, the sun was peaking out... We pick up Grin and all of us proceed to wrap our selves in jackets.. Still nice but poor Grin is in the back seat of the car, with no window and no roof and the air blowing directly on her from all angles. But she is a trooper, she ties the hoodie around her face so all you can see is the little tiny nose and a tiny bit of eye showing. She hangs in... We head down towards the shopping mecca to meet up with the Auntie from down south for a shopping trip for Grin's birthday. We get there a bit windblown but good all the same. Smirk & I head for the basketball game..
Did I mention this lovely car is a stick shift.. Oh and the game is at the top of a hill by a local university.. So here Smirk and I go.. Off to the game... On a hill... In a stick shift.. And she asks me to show her how to use the clutch properly on a hill... Of course I can do that! I am a pro!!! Not a problem.. So you let the clutch out and give it a tiny bit of gas ... Stalled... Darn it!!! She laughs, I restart, people are honking, I stall again!! Again with the honking and even one person flipped me off!!! She isn’t laughing anymore but seeing how mean people are.. I tell her we will continue later when I get a better feel for the car.. And I regain my wounded pride... The game goes fine, they lose but she played very well... So we go to meet up with Grin and Auntie... We walk the mall, go get some dinner and then we emerge from the restaurant... It is now dark. Not just dusk, with the sun starting to sink in the west, but darn right Night time... It is only 6pm, but with daylight savings over it is really dark, and cold and even a bit breezy... But are we daunted??? NO!! We head to the Sun Mobile (we have now nicknamed Charly) and bundle up.. Grin resumes her position in the back, little nose peeking out of the firmly secured hoodie, while Smirk and I don our hoodies too.. I unfortunately need to have my whole face exposed as I do need to see while maneuvering down the freeway. We had to have looked very strange... Driving down the freeway in the pitch black cold of night with our hair blowing and a look-a-like bundled child from "A Christmas Story" in the back seat! We finally made it home and proceeded straight into the mass amounts of blankets vowing never to drive the car until warmer weather... Now the poor little car sits in the garage, like a lonely stepchild... Just waiting for the warmer days and someone to fix it’s hat... Poor sad little Charly!

Spooks, goblins and couch potatoes, oh my!

2007-11-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Halloween, my second favorite holiday of the year. Ok, not so much a holiday any more as much as it is a day for little people to go and beg for sweets but still it is fun to see all those little tiny princesses and aliens and other assorted characters toddle their way up to the door to have their parents prompt them to say thank you... Makes me wish Grin and Smirk were little again. But not this year... We had NO little tykes or even big ghouls visit our house. Which I guess was ok as I didnt buy any candy!

Grin went out with her friends.. She was dressed as Princess Tiger Lily from Peter Pan. Her dad bought her a very plain indian costume which I then proceeded to "Fix" with feathers and beads and bangles! All Praise the Hot Glue Gun! Smirk and her friends also went out to terrorize the neighborhood.. She was a mobster, in a very short skirt... Oh for the days when I could dress them!!! They both looked adorable either way.

I however think I had the best night of all.. I sat on the couch, in my cozy pj's and very warm socks, with a nice glass of merlot and watched Casino Royale (Daniel Craig is beautiful), in silence, with no interruptions, no questions about why does that happen or who is he or what is he doing before he does it; like I have all the answers in the world... It was bliss... And when Princess Tiger Lily returned with a basket full of candy she was happy as she had fun with her friends. And Smirk returned she was happy as she got to visit her friends... So all in all, it was a good halloween! Just treats, no tricks!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRIN!!!!

2007-10-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

GRIN is now 15!! UGH!!!! My little tiny blond girl is not so little anymore. She is taller than all of us and smarter... But not so smart that I couldnt surprise her!!! Smirk & I planned a small surprise party for her with her friends and some of our family for a dinner party. We had Smirk's best friend take Grin to the horse stables to keep her out of the house while I cooked and decorated. Because of the fires they couldnt ride the horses, but they got to walk them around a bit and check out all of the other horses...She loved it and thought that was the surprise until she walked in the door and there were her friends and fun!! She was completely surprised and had a great time!!

One slight problem... Due to my OCD cleaning issues, I misplaced the camera while I was organizing... So...no pictures!!! Not even of the food!!!

California...The land of the dramatic

2007-10-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ah, October.... While other people around the country are remarking about how there is a chill in the air, the leaves are turning beautiful colors and fall is in the air...We in California are usually experiencing the hot, dry and windy days of Santa Ana wind conditions. It happens every year... without fail... Fall is the beginning of fire season in Southern California... This has not changed in years...

So I dont know why it amazes me every year when the first large fires of the season starts and the perfectly coiffed & polished "news"anchors report FIRESTORM (Insert current year here)! They then cut to some poor shnook reporter who is standing in the middle of a windswept burnt area covered in ash and dirt with hair looking like someone who has gone on way too many roller coaster rides at Knotts Berry Farm. This person then has to try to hear the inane questions posed by the anchors over the roar of the fire, to which they are way too close; dodge fire trucks and personnel who are there trying to do their jobs and try not to get themselves, their camera crew and rescue workers injured or worse...

While some years are mild, most of these fires are in the same areas... Malibu burns, the Angeles National Forest burns and most of these are caused by stupid people doing stupid things... This years fire are one of the worst I have seen in my lifetime. And dont get me wrong, these fires are horrible and costly and I truly feel awful for the people who have lost their homes and belongings and in some cases been injured or worse. But the media does nothing to help these situations.

The firefighters in these areas are overstretched and tired and doing a phenomenal job. They are awe-inspiring. But to have the media say to tell people "Should you stay in your home, use your hoses to protect yourselves." There was no "until fire crews can get to you" or "make sure you are safe"... just use a hose against a raging wildfire that has already consumed over 500,000 acres.. It will work!!! RIIIGHT!

Soon the winds will be over and the fires will be out and hopefully the rainy season will start as we need the rain, but that brings on the next media flurry!! THE STORM OF THE CENTURY and the potential mudslides that will ensue.... Oh well I guess in the land of movie stars and swimming pools, we all need a little drama... Once the natural disaster season has moved on and other states get Spring, we here in So Cal can once again settle back in to the live broadcast car chases and celebrity legal snafus!!

Traveling the world without a passport

2007-10-18T15:17:00.001-07:00

Cats???

2007-10-18T08:11:00.001-07:00

So, anyone who has met me knows that I dont like cats. Now before you stop reading, I am not a terrible kitten hating person. I think it stems from the fact that when I am around one, my throat starts to swell and I cant breathe or see from the tears streaming out of my eyes. I think some cats are quite adorable. Kittens are just plain cute... And usually like to wander in and out of my legs rubbing their lovely, anaphalactic shock inducing fur against my clothing...But I digress...
The reason for the cat rant is I was just informed by my best friend,Bee, who informed me that on my birthday I will now have one year left as a PUMA.
From what I understand, next year, my age not only will be one of the hardest birthdays for a woman to suffer through but thanks to the media and movies like When Harry Met Sally, now instead of thinking I am still young and fun I will be a freaking COUGAR... This is just wrong. I protest... Why cats?
I dont feel like a cougar, I feel like a Kitten.. I realize the extra 30 pounds that I am carrying around doesnt make me look like a kitten, but a COUGAR... I dont thinks so! So I plan to come up with a new labeling system and put it out into the world. Maybe Birds??? Young girls could be Hawks, then the 30's could become Falcon's then 40 and above could be maybe a peacock??

Thoughts????

Angry Princess...

2007-10-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

Grin is very angry with me. One would think I had committed a major infraction. My little tree hugging, animal saving, planet policewoman child is angered because I have not yet put her picture on my blog. I put her sister (when saying that word... sister...You must say it like it has left a very bad, repugnant taste in your mouth) on my blog, I put a cake on... But do I put her...Noooo. So, just to make a certain princess happy and keep life in the Amused residence on an even keel... Without further adieu... World may I introduce you to GRIN....

And Grin and her friends... Sporty & Pony Princess

Favorite Things....

2007-10-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

As Smirk, Grin and I sat unapologetically watching (and signing) the Sound of Music, last night, I begin to muse on my favorite things....I dont believe I can fit them into the song...

For instance, on chilly but sunny days, I love to get into my car after it has been sitting in the sun all day and just sit for a minute soaking in the warmth on the leather seats before I start to drive away.

I like to walk into my house and smell onions and tomatoes bubbling away for spaghetti sauce. Or coffee, or bread or anything with cinnamon... I love Thanksgiving...Planning, cooking, baking, eating, relaxing, the whole kit and kaboodle... I love it!

To stand in the back of an auditorium or high school gym and feel the swelling of pride as one of my girls does something great.

I like to take the girls to the upick orchards and picking the end of summer berries or apples (Smirk usually snacks as she picks resulting in stained fingers and seeds between her teeth) and then returning home to make applesauce, pies and fruit snacks.

I love to spend a lazy Sunday in my pajamas reading a good book (or two), while drinking a cuppa and not worrying about the piles of laundry in the garage or the dust bunnies behind the tv.

When I do finally get to that pile of laundry in the garage... Socks straight from the dryer, all warm and toasty, those have got to be a favorite!!

My favorite time waster would have to be when in public sitting and people watching.. I can make up stories about things I see. Smirk and I like to play "guess your life story" while people walk by. Grin doesnt like it as much but will join in when something (one) is very strange....

Being in Orange County, I rarely venture past the Orange Curtain, but if I have to go into LA I love to go to the Farmer's market and play the above mentioned game (always interesting people to watch there) and get a ham & cheese crepe (http://www.frenchcrepe.com/) YUMMY!!

No matter the time of year, I enjoy driving down Pacific Coast Highway early in the morning before the tourists come out of their posh accomodations and see the shop owners sweeping sidewalks and getting the towns ready for the days traffic.

I think one of my absolute favorite things is sharing all of these crazing things with Smirk and Grin and helping them start their list while discovering more for me...

Fun Days...

2007-10-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! This weekend has been very fun filled and amusing. Smirk had homecoming this weekend, so Saturday was filled with primping and polishing and spraying and gunking! She and her friends, Princess Tiger Lily & Spumoni had a great time, dancing and looked beautiful! It was a proud moment! They were amazing! It is hard to think that they were once just little girls playing dress up and now are women ready to conquer the world.

They came home this morning, shockingly early after staying up most of the night giggling, to wish me a happy birthday and helped me make waffles for breakfast. We spent most of the day just laying around watching TV and relaxing! What a great way to spend a birthday!!

Today made me reflect on my surroundings... I was born in California and raised here, and yet I find it hard to admit that to people. My family has been in this state for over 100 years and yet whenever I leave this state, people now seem to equate Southern California with a stupid television show that completely misrepresented this area. (Never once have I uttered the words "Welcome to the OC, bitch") Not all from here want to be actors or have fake boobs and or tans...Yes quite a few do, but not everyone...Nor are we all tofu eating freaks who do yoga and wheat grass shots. But there are some strange events that happen here in Southern California... We dont really have seasons like the rest of the country, We have mid winter, which seems to involve a little bit of drizzle while news channels report the Storm of the Century, and fire season, which is most of October... We also have tourist season, mid April thru Labor Day, when the tourists come out to the beaches in their bermuda shorts and black knee socks.. this also brings out the Barbie girls to sit at the beach in their micro bikinis...

Anyway, back to today, we left the house to drive to Disneyland and on our way we saw a group of 10 year old boys riding down the side of the road on unicyles... Odd, looked like a clown training class. We also stopped by a seadside community. We came to a red light, me in my lovely toyota sedan (1995) and a brand new orange Lamborghini. A homeless man cross the street in front us. This man was looking for handouts. He chose to ignore the wealthy old guy in the sports car but came to my window to pester me and my daughters... odd choice when looking for spare change...like I have any.... Oh well!! You just have to smile!

We came home finally with both my kids and several others in tow... I cooked dinner and settled down for the night.. We got to watch movies and relax.. Now that is what I call a birthday!!!