Never ending pasta bowl???

So Olive Garden has the never ending pasta bowl.... Vegas has their massive buffets... There the song that never ends, and the Never Ending Story... People say love never ends.

But today Smirk and I decided that we need to have other never ending things in our lives. For one, we want a never ending supply of shampoo and conditioner. Pipes that run into our house, directly into our showers. It would be great if they could have pumps and we could always have shampoo and conditioner!

We also want a never ending supply of milk... I used to think we wanted a cow but where the hell would we put a 1 ton animal? It wont fit in our front walk, the neighbors might object to the smell. And I think the gardeners would be very pissed off about the manure, although it is natural!! So we decided that just like water into the fridge, we want milk... Again, more pipes, but hey, it could work!!

Our last "never ending" is gas... Not sure how that one would work... Magic, tanker trucks following us around, or just free gas for life. But I think every body wants that one... Although if we just had cars that ran on solar or by splitting the atom, we wouldn't need never ending gas.

So, what "never ending" things do you want in your life???

Why bother having children...

People confuse me! Alot... The reason for this confusion are parents. For instance, Smirk has two best friends who left for college this weekend. As the adoptive mommy, I was required to drive to Santa Barbara to help them settle. As the adoptive mommy who doesn't get along with the real mommy, I was not going to go until real mommy left. Smirk and I started our drive at 11:30am.
We got to Santa Barbara (which is only about 100 miles away) 3 hours later. Traffic sucked because people cant drive, but not the point.

Pony Princess and Pimp Daddy (the two friends) had left with their respective parents at 6am. Pony princess' mother and sister drove her up to the campus, help her dump her stuff into a bin and carry said stuff up the stairs and then LEFT.

Pimp Daddy's mum, drove up there, help him unload, helped him make his bed, realized they didn't have some supplies, took Pony Princess, Pimp Daddy and Lane (another bff) to the store (about a 1/2 hour away), purchased stuff, bought them all lunch, made sure PD had everything he could need, called every relative known to man to show her pride in her college man....

So when adoptive mommy gets there, Pony Princess has made her bed, tried to unload her stuff in the 12 x 1o closet she shares with 2 other girls. She is completely unorganized. Being the last girl to arrive, she gets a desk, a small two drawer dresser, and 1/3 of each wardrobe. She also gets the top bunk, which is fine, except she had made her bed without washing her sheets or airing out the memory foam pad. The memory foam pad that MY AUNTIE purchased her, and the sheets that I purchased for her... Her real mommy did nothing. She didn't stay to help, she didn't help put things away, she didn't go through the room checklist to determine what the kid might need, she just left....

So being my normal mild mannered self, I sat idly by and let poor Pony Princess flounder and struggle... NOT!! Of course I took charge... We went through her room, marked out things that were wrong, made a list of what she didn't have but would need ( a chair pad for the really hard wooden desk chair) We didn't have paper to make the list so Smirk wrote all of the items on her hands... She looked like the guy from the movie Memento. Then we toured the campus, finding things, helping her get hooked up to the Internet, find the food court area, find fun things to do for the next week, help her find the job center. By the time we left, I was exhausted.

But why didn't her own mother do all of this? Why just dump the kid off and bail. Why not help her? Did she just have 5 children to have minions to take out the trash?? And especially this kid, out of the 5, Pony Princess is the only one who is not a mother at 16, or a drug addict and the only one going to college... Wouldn't you want to do extra for her???

This whole day made Smirk very sad. Not only because two of her bff's are far away, but she really wants to go away to experience college life. I understand too... I want to get away but not for college life.... How about tropical island life?? Rich heiress life?? Idle rich life??? Those would work for me...

School Daze...

September has come!! School has started for all the amused girls. Grin gets up at 5:30am so she can be in her first class of the day starting at 6:41am. So in turn the chauffeur gets up at 5:00am just to make sure the happy girl gets moving! I blearily make peanut butter sammies at 6am and get ready to drive her away. Her first class is Spanish...How one can concentrate on a foreign language at 6:40 in the morning is beyond me especially since I have a difficulty with English at that time. Meanwhile Smirk sleeps in until 8:30ish, since her first class doesn't start until 10:30am.

Grin is loving school (no surprise there) while Smirk is sad... Her friends are all leaving for college this next weekend and she feels like she is missing out on an experience by staying at home and going to community college. She understands why she needs to do it and agrees it is smart and the best choice for us, but it is hard. She wants a dorm room and to go away and try to learn on her own.

But Smirk will meet new people...She had her first job interview yesterday. We dressed her up in one of my suit dresses and pearls (she spruced it up with a belt and pretty shoes) and went down to the Marriott Renaissance Club Sport. She interviewed to be a Kid Club attendant, basically a babysitter for the rich and snooty members who go to this spa/fitness center/hotel and bring their children. When she got back, I of course, peppered her with questions... The conversation went something like this (please keep in mind, I did have about 5 cups of coffee)

Me: So, how did it go??
Smirk: it was good
Me: Good? Did you like the place? What was the job? Were the people nice?
S: It was...
M: What do they want you to do? Did they tell you when they would call and let you know if you got it? Did you get a card of the person you spoke to?
S: It would...
M: Did you tell them about your school schedule? Were they willing to work with you on that??
S: MOTHER... SHUT UP for 2 minutes and I will tell you everything...
M: Sorry.....
S: It was fine, I like the place, I would be a babysitter, the people were nice... What else do you want to know??? SLOWLY... And by the way, no more coffee...
M: Did you get the name and business card of the person who interviewed you...
S: No, her name was Hope, but why would I get her card...
M: How will you send her a thank you letter?
S: What ever...
M: but... You have.. You need to...
S: Whatever, but on a good note.. There was a way hot guy working there!
M: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Maybe I need to start spiking my coffee....

I love technology???

As I sit in the airport, tethered to my laptop in the special armchairs that have electric plugs between each chair, I realize how much I have missed as I sit here working... Still... I have been working since 7am and it is now 6:30pm... Am I insane?? Instead of going and having a drink at the restaurant, I sit hear typing away... Working...Not looking up to see the strange and often amusing sights at the airport... For instance, the guy in the t-shirt that has been customized..Ripped off sleeves and a v cut into the neck to allow his fur to poke out the top of his neck line accessorized by the large gold chain at his neck, pinkie ring and belly hanging over the jeans (too tight)...Or there is the guys from my group... Sales guys, need I say more. They are all shmoozy and sitting across the terminal from me. After having spent 3 days with me they are so self absorbed they look up but dont really "look" at all and still have not seen me. Or the exhausted parents chasing their small children through the airport, hopefully trying to tire them out so they will not scream when held captive on the plane for the hour long flight.

I used to think it was fun to people watch and be adventurous when in a new city. You know, not worry about getting lost while driving through the place. Thinking it might be fun to ask someone for directions... But now instead taking adventure, I take the GPS option in the rental car. I have "Prudence" to keep me company. Garmin's option of voices in the GPS is a tight lipped British voice telling you to TURN RIGHT HERE. The accent makes the directions sound safe and intelligent, even though I didnt program it correctly and went for shortest route, not fastest and drove through cow country...Did you know there are are alpacas living in San Ramon, California. I sure didnt until now... I did love having the GPS and never leave home without mine... But what happened to the days of real maps...You know the ones, the paper things with all the folds that you get from AAA not that piece of paper you printed off Yahoo!Maps. Is there some sort of map makers guild with a bunch of old guys sitting around drinking coffee bitching about the state of the world and how they are obsolete now that there is GPS?? Or what about gas stations, do you think anyone ever comes in and asks for directions in a small town gas station? What if my soulmate was in that gas station waiting for me to come and ask directions and I bypass it and use my GPS....I guess I will never know..... For now I will sit here and play a game, read a blog and not look up for the next two hours til my flight departs... Solitary, alone and sucked in by my new best friend...Technology

Can September come any faster???

I love summer. It is great! Nice and warm, everyone seems a bit relaxed... But this year, I just wish September would come now and get these hellions out of my house!!! At least for a few hours!! Smirk registered for her classes yesterday at the local college, so she is now officially a full time college student! Now to get her a job, and we will be set!!!

Grin has been doing homework for her summer class so she really hasn't had a break. She says all her crankiness, I mean studious hard work will pay off when she is a top notch veterinarian and will support me in my old age (HA)

Someday soon my children will leave me and I will look back on these days of stress and telling them to get their disgusting feet off my couch and pick up the food wrappers from the floor, and be sad. I am sure almost wistful for these days again, but for now... They need to get out!!!

guilty pleasures

So the spawn and I were sitting around the house today watching movies while I worked from home. And the commercial for the Lifetime"Flying Tigress" came on. We realized that everyone watches Lifetime but no one wants to actually admit it. Where else can you get the cheesy movies that you all love but wont ever come clean about it... But if someone does get up the courage to speak about one, you know every line. You know the programming I am referring to... The Epics "Mother May I Sleep With Danger?" "Sex and the Single Mom" "Army Wives". These are all great movies/shows, but would you really admit that you watch them or are they your guilty little pleasures that you watch as you curl up on your couch on a Sunday in pj's... (This could also be substituted with every Bruce Willis movie ever made).

What about staying in bed all day long on a rainy day, reading books and drinking tea, while skipping the massive piles of laundry that are threatening to walk themselves to the washer?

Or how about in the days of cheaper gas, driving down the road with the windows down, singing "Brown Eyed Girl" or "Surfin USA" at the top of your lungs (not exactly in key).

There is always that shopping trip that you have to make but really don't want to and yet you end up finding the most amazing treasure ever... And at 70% off!!

Those are mine, so what guilty pleasures do you have????

Fire Watch 08

Smirk and her friends are out in the woods alone! No grown ups (unless you count Smirk, who technically is an adult, but not really), no rules, no curfew, no nothing... Including tent poles and matches....

The group decided to go camping. They planned this for all of about 2 days. Then was the mad dash to get supplies, find a campsite and actually drive up the mountain. None of them had ever been camping without an adult preparing for them so watching this was absolute comedy!! Conversations were had that went like this - Smirk "So what should we get to eat? I am thinking sandwich stuff, maybe some steaks, some spaghetti?" Best Friend #1 "Sounds good!!! So we will need steak, plates and A1 sauce and forks" Interjection from the mother listening from the couch "Unless you enjoy steak tartar, how will you be cooking this side of beef and fabulous pasta meal?" Silence - crickets chirping - "Uh, what do you mean?" said BFF. "Well to cook steak is not that difficult on a grill, but unless you have a rotisserie spit or really large grill for your open campfire, since the campsites do not have a barbecue provided, what will you be doing? And how will you boil the water for the pasta??? Are you bringing a pot and if so, I want to see which one so you dont lose my favorite pot in the woods!"

Eventually pasta was nixed and the girls purchased a small charcoal barbecue. They also purchased all of the food and supplies while the two strapping man boys who are also attending this outdoor fest did NOTHING!!! They said they will give money later.

They finally made it up to the mountain and unpacked the car... Hilarity ensued for us parents when the ex Mr Amused called me and asked if I had heard from the mountaineers... I said yes but hours ago... He informed me he had just received a call from a very unhappy Smirk... She asked him where the tent poles were..... OOOPS.. She took the tent, but failed to grab the poles from the cabinet behind the tent. The boys refused to go back down the mountain (an hour drive) to get them, they also refused to go into town (a 10 minute drive) to go to the local sporting goods store and see if there was tent to be rented. They wanted to be manly and sleep in the outdoors...

I will be going to stock up on calamine lotion for when the return!!! I am taking bets.. They are supposed to return on Thursday evening... I say they will be back Wednesday at about noon....