Why I will never do dishes again (at least for a week)

So after a lovely day of working, nice dinner of tacos, there was a pile of dishes in the sink. Dishwasher being on the fritz, I decided to wash the dishes by hand, like I was taught as a child. Fill up the sink with hot, soapy water, put dishes in, scrub, rinse, repeat... No way!!! No more...

I did everything right... Until, I picked up a mason jar glass that had apparently cracked in the heat... Why look at the item in your hands, just plunge in and scrub...Ok so in goes the sponge, and my hand, up to the area between my pinkie and ring finger... Turn the glass for maximum cleansing and hey look, why is the water turning red... Cuss out loud, grab and towel and announce to the shocked kids who are looking at their mother who just cussed out loud, that I had cut myself... Jokingly Smirk says do we need to go to the hospital... Uh yeah, I said and quick, get the keys... Grin, freaks out and starts asking questions... I calmly grab two clean and my favorite dish towels to stop the arterial spray and walk to the garage, forgetting that oh so important wallet and fact that I cant drive since I am applying pressure... The girls start grabbing things like an expectant father... Do you need towels, where are the keys, here is your wallet, find the insurance card... Meanwhile I am calmly strolling to the car, blood dripping down my arm and onto my white shirt... Now, it was after dinner, I had been working from home so I was in my grubby sweats (grubby = huge hole in the knee), hair a mess and no makeup, no shoes and now a blood stained shirt. Girls rush past me and tuck me into the car... Grin is freaking out mildly. Smirk is driving. We get to the hospital and the triage nurse asks me to remove the towel... As I start to do this I realize that the bleeding has stopped and the blood is clotting, to the towel. As I remove, it starts to pump blood again. The nurse slaps some gauze on my hand and says more pressure... Hospital is packed so they ask me to sit in a chair in the hall way... 45 minutes later, someone takes my xray's... 30 minutes after that they found me a room... By 9:30, I have 5 stitches and have lost a quart of blood! I could feel it pumping from my the palm of my hand while the top was numb. There was blood on the bed and the floor...It looked like a warzone! All from a cut in my hand! Finally cleaned up and gauze stuffed in between the fingers so it looks like a really warped Spock-like- live long and prospers sign, I am allowed to go home. Now two days later, I can take the bandage off and can use the fingers just not over use it... So does that mean no more typing or working for the day??? Of course not, I just cant use my pinkie... Typing has gone from 90 wpm to 10!! Not fair!! And painful... But at least the doctor of my dreams did not show up while I was looking scuzzy... I know he is still out there and next time I injure myself (and I am sure there will be a next time) I will not be wearing scuzzy clothes, I have now vowed to constantly wear ball gowns and tiara's while doing everything, including vacuuming, laundry, gardening....

Happy.....

Taco Tuesday!!

I would say Cinco de Mayo but since that phrase is currently taboo in my household, Happy Taco Tuesday! Anything Spanish is pretty much taboo right now, but just until tonight. See the oh-so-stressed- junior in high school, Grin, has a very full month. She started it off with a lovely trip to the SAT test on May 2nd, today is the Spanish AP test, Thursday is the English Lang AP test, then she has her final for drama, which is just in front of everyone who attends but it has to be something different, so Smirk's best friend wrote a short scene for Grin and a friend to perform... Then come finals, then training for her new job at the water park for the summer...All that in May. She is wound so tightly I expect her curls are going to turn into a fro very soon!

So to keep her spirits up, we are not having a Cinco de Mayo festival tonight, but are having her favorite dinner Taco's...

I cannot wait for school to end, but that of course will not allow the stress to end, then it will be working and shuttling her back and forth to her new job, going to visit colleges on days off, hopefully helping Smirk find a job, and in between all that, studying for Grin's drivers permit... (Mental note: go to store, get hair dye for all the new grays they are giving me and at least a pound of chocolate or bottle of rum... or maybe both)

I am sure life will calm down soon... Maybe next year (HA!)

What do you do for an hour???

So I am now sitting in my office in Los Angeles, there is no one here but me and one other dedicated employee... Why am I sitting here at 6:06pm? I am trying to kill time before I go to an event... A nice event... Where I have to wear nice clothes and make up... Shocking right!

Before anyone asks... No, I did not bring a camera, no there is no photographic evidence unless I happen to get in a shot with the guest of honor. But if that happens I can GUARANTEE no one will be looking at me...

See tonight's event is sponsored by LG (makes sense since I work for the large national wireless carrier) and the special guest is Heidi Klum.. You all know her right? Project Runway, Victoria's Secret, 3 kids and one on the way, amazing body...

Yeah this woman, so I know for sure, between her and the hot new phone, no one is going to be checking me out!

But my question still stands, what do you do for an hour, I can get dressed in 10 minutes, the event is right down the street, they are going to have food, I already did my make up (yes auntie, I am actually wearing makeup, foundation and all) So what do I do?? I guess sit and read blogs, lotion my feet, talk to no one as there is no one to talk to here... I can run up and down the halls but my back hurts already so I don't want to do that... Already talked to the girls... I am bored and I need caffeine! Let's go people, tell me what you would do to kill an hour....

The Woman!!!

Grin is my little star! Alright, she is not so little as she is taller than me unless I am in heels, but she shines bright! The Actor's Rep at school performed a one night production of the one of my all time favorite old movies/plays The Women. This was written in 1937 and adapted for screen in 1939. There are over 130 stars and they are all women. A man's voice is heard, but not one person or even animal on screen are men. It starred some of the best actresses of the time. It revolves around a Manhattan social wife and her husband. She finds he is having an affair and heads to Reno for a divorce. If you can ever watch it, do, it is wonderful.

So my little star played the housekeeper/cook in the Haynes household. The Haynes are the ones divorcing. She and the parlor maid are in the kitchen. The maid is recounting the argument she over heard to the housekeeper while eating pie. Below is her favorite part of the scene...

The last scene of the play is the climax fight scene between the two main characters. Grin now portrays a socialiate who is drunk at a swanky club. I believe in the movie it was the 21 Club. So below is my drunk teen.... She finished the whole bottle... (Luckily for us it was apple juice!)

The world is backwards....

I do not understand the world. I dont want to sound like the world owes me and I am the only one that matters... But I work hard, I have raised my kids to the best of my ability. I try not live above my means. I pay my taxes... Yet my taxes seem to go to a single woman who has the audacity to PLAN a pregnancy while she has NO JOB, NO MEANS OF SUPPORT and also has 6 other children.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-octuplets11-2009feb11,0,1790195.story

I am hopeful that she did not plan to have 8 babies at one time because that would be complete insanity.... But what the hell... She is living off student loans and food stamps... She says she is not going to go on public support, yet she already has... She was on disability, where she recieved $163,000 dollars!!!! OH MY GOD!!! She made triple what I make working my butt off, just by being injured and having 6 kids... Now she has 14!! And the new babies are going to require specialized care since they are so tiny... Who is going to pay for that??? The article says that three of her older children are disabled as well but she hopes that two will soon become not disabled... How do you do that???? What makes a child suddenly not disabled??? The article also says that she loves having babies, but didnt love being married. I love kids too, obviously since my house is always full of them but I dont get any support for them... All I want is enough money to pay off my bills and fix my car, maybe then I will only have a little stress instead of tons and tons of stress.... But that would be asking too much right... Or I could just quit my job and live off welfare and food stamps... That seems to work well for others...

Airports...

I love airports, but hate to fly! I have been in many airports traveling for work too much but not much for pleasure. Funny thing about airports is the strange people you can see milling around. The first time I can remember flying was too Hawaii. The thing I remember most was looking out the window and thinking we were going to crash into the ocean. The airport was beautiful for an airport. Native women with lei's milled around waiting to drape flowers over departing travellers necks. The air was intoxicating with the scent of flowers. This was a perfect first flight.
The next trip I can remember was a trip to Europe. The longest flight ever!!! And overnight on a plane. I cannot sleep on planes, whether it is the excitement of the travel and getting to a new location or maybe it is the fact that I am trapped with a bunch of whining, snoring cough germ carriers that makes sleep impossible. It could also be that I have no luck and am usually trapped between two very large, smelly people or with chatty ken/cathy. Anyway the flight to Europe started in Reno, and the deplaned in Denver. Denver is the worst airport ever. They were doing construction (and I believe they still are, 20 years later) so it was a mass of confusion and dust. 30 teenagers and 5 teachers trying to navigate this and get to a gate on the other side of this mess was near impossible. But we did see some crazies along the way. This was before the time of security and no one in the terminals but the passenger. There were Hari Krishnas in their orange robes, guitar players strumming for spare change, people rushing, children crying...It was exciting.
However, as I became an adult, these things turned into annoyances and somethings quite frightening. My first flight to New York was for work. I took a 5 hour flight from Orange County to Newark airport. I had been advised by a friend not to make eye contact with people in the airport. That sounded ominous! However when I got off the plane and went down to meet my friend in baggage claim I was confronted with a massive amount of people. Most were in such a hurry they didnt notice me, but as I got closer to the sliding glass doors to the outside world I notice about 50 large men standing around in black suits. Some were holding signs with names, others were just milling about. As I walked closer to get to the doors, I must have looked one in the eye because before I could blink one of the characters from the Soprano's was at my side. "So how yo doin?" he asked....The accent was so think I began to think I had entered another country! I replied that I was fine and kept walking. "So a preddy goil like yo, must need a ride somewheres, right?" he pondered... I said no, I was meeting someone...But that didnt deter this wiseguy... He just kept on... He better be worth it, you are so pretty you need a proper ride... This was bordering on dirty! I was never so glad to see my friend show up!!! I think I must have almost choked him with the hug I gave him!! I realized then always to heed warnings of making eye contact!!
My latest foray into airports came last night. I went to pick someone up at LAX. Since my passenger, Chiquita, was an older woman who has a broken arm, I knew I was going to have to park. I drove up to LA, entered the airport parking lot and was stuck... Sitting behind idiots who should not be driving. They either did not understand the little PRND12 on the gear shift or they were just plain stupid. The car backed out of a parking space and just sat there... Not moving.. Since they were two stalls from the entrance gate, this caused a traffic jam with cars trying to enter the structure and this idiot just sitting there... Finally after about 5 minutes the slow witted parking attendant sauntered over to the car and tapped on the window. I figured, just chalk it up to rude people, move on... I parked in the first spot I could find. Jumped out of the car and started the walk into the baggage claim area. As I tried to enter the sidewalk a large group of people walking the opposite way thought that they deserved the entire sidewalk. Wouldnt even make a space on the side for me to walk through. I kept thinking..Be better than all these people, dont get angry and rude...
So I waited and finally walked to the terminal. Once inside, I went and stood against a wall where I could see my little Chiquita disembark from the terminal. As I waited, I looked around... I noticed several people looking at me. I started to get worried that the carrots I had for dinner were stuck in my teeth or something. One guy a very tall Hasidic jewish man complete with the curls at the sides of his head and black hat kept staring at me.. I could not figure out why. I did a teeth check, nose check.. Nothing he kept staring.. It was starting to get worrisome, but after he finally left. uess I will never learn!! Eye contact again... One of the many drivers waiting with signs near me walked over and told me what beautiful hair I had. I said thanks and quickly looked way. Not 5 minutes later another driver moved closer to me and parked himself on the same wall as I was. Immediately I sprang into action... I grabbed my cell out of my pocket and dialed... But to my dismay I was too far into the underbelly of the terminal and couldnt get a signal. I needed the roaming to kick in and quickly... The driver on the wall turned his head to look at me. Drat... I checked the phone again...Finally roaming! I dialed and started talking to the auntie! Whew saved... I asked if our passenger had called her, because I hadnt seen her and almost everyone was off the plane. And then finally I saw Chiquita! I removed myself from the wall and away from the driver.
I steered her towards baggage claim. Now clearly if people look at her, she is in her late 70's. Still very spry and active, but right now she has a large cast on her arm. She doesnt look feeble, but still a little fragile. We walked over to the crowded conveyor belt and I took a place not standing immediately at the short metal wall, but close to it...There was space for large Samoan man in front of me to swing his bag down from the conveyor without taking out my shins... Chiquita was standing behind me. We were talking and watching bags... I cannot count the times rude people stepped in front of me... Taking my place at the conveyor... I was standing right there... They just walked in front of me... I finally got so fed up with it, I started making snarky comments. When one woman walked in front of me I turned sideways and said to Chiquita "I am sure your bag will be the last one out, but you would certainly have trouble getting any bag out of here with your arm." The woman swung around and looked at Chiquita and immediately moved out of our way. That was my nicest comment... There were a few that I know Chiquita couldnt hear that I spoke to the back of people's heads... We finally got her bag. It was one of the last ones out and was so HEAVY! And old so the wheels were on the end of a normal suitcase and the handle was about 4 inches long. I had to stoop to wheel it out of the place. I wore boots that had heels probably not my best option but as I am clearly struggling with this bag, why do stupid men feel it is appropriate to walk in front of me and look at me as if to speak to me. Do I look like I want to talk to anyone as I struggle with a bag...If you are going to try to hit on me, at least take the flipping bag from me.... One scummy Mexican guy even made lewd suggestions as I was struggling with the bag.. Did the guy think that this would be so attractive that I would drop the bag and just jump on him right then and there??? Give me a break... Sometimes I glad I am single... The next time I go to an airport, it bette be a great vacation!!

The New Year???

Tonight is the night that people stay up and welcome the new year with noise and champagne and kisses! I however, will be home with Smirk and her friends playing Scrabble or Risk. I will most likely be asleep before midnight, but they will make it I am sure. I may get a kiss from my lovely daughter at midnight, but that is about it... Grin will be in a hotel room in Pasadena with her best friend Oatsnhorses and her family,waiting to see the Rose Parade in the morning. They will have a wonderful time I am sure!!!

Now for the unrealistic part of the new year... Resolutions....

In 2009, I resolve to:

• Giggle more with my girls
• Talk walks to nowhere for no reason other than to enjoy the world outside
• work just the right amount
• enjoy more
• lose the weight on my shoulders by thinking better thoughts
• stop saving things for a rainy day... too many have passed by
• play more games, they are beneficial.
• lose a little weight around my waist, so I can run down the beach
• Remember to by a lotto ticket, you cant win if you don't play

This will be fun if I can just remember to stick to them!

Have a Happy and Safe New Year!