Dirty....

So I am sure you have seen those strange commercials on the telly.. Where it states you should go elfyourself... That just sounds so lascivious!! But anyway... I am a sucker for the strange, so I did it! I elf'd myself.... check it out!!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9633101440


This is the only and last time you will ever see any of us do this again!!!!

Good God, is he still alive???

When I was a kid my parents used to watch 60 minutes every Sunday evening especially the Andy Rooney segment. I hated this.. He was boring and old and talked funny... Well not much has changed.. I still don't care much for 60 minutes, but I do sometimes find Andy Rooney amusing and a little bit acerbic..But I had no idea he was still alive... I mean he was old when I was a kid and now.. WOW he is really old. But I was turned on to a recent segment by my auntie who had said he talked to people about what they carry with them while walking through New York. And it got me to thinking.. I really don't carry much on my person and I rarely walk anywhere. Not due to laziness but due to the fact that where I live is primarily a car centric community. The public transportation is not great. We do not have a subway and the geography is very spread out. For instance, I work 20 miles from where I live... Cant really walk that, no subways.. There is train but I would have to walk about 5 miles to get to the train and 7 miles from the station to the office.. Not exactly convenient... Healthy I think, but not convenient....


So anyway here is my thought, does a car replace a bag here in California? Several people I know carry so much stuff in their cars that they could qualify as a vacation home. I personally carry at least two books with me at all times... You never know when you might need a little something to read... I also have two water bottles, several pencils (all left behind by Smirk and Grin's holey book bags), two lip glosses, tissues, several pairs of extra shoes in case of a costume malfunction, jackets, a blanket and a packet of instant oatmeal, you never know when you might need oatmeal... This is far more than I carry in my purse... Lip gloss, credit card, spare change, keys....

So which are you? Are you a car or bag type person??? Or is there a third type... The minimalist??? How many types are there?? Maybe Andy needs to do some more research... After all, New York is not the capital of the world... Or is it just he is so old, that he isn't allowed outside of the Big Apple anymore...

Sickness

What a fun Thanksgiving weekend! HA! If your version of fun is not leaving the house and holding someone's hair every two hours, then you would have loved my weekend. Smirk crawled into my bed at 2am on Saturday morning complaining that her stomach hurt. She does not like to be sick at all but is very stoic about the ordeal so when she started throwing up and has tears streaming down her face and her whole body was heaving with her, she was the most pathetic little thing... She did not leave her bed for two days. She finally started to feel better Sunday afternoon and got alot of sleep. I however need more sleep... And less work to do... Re-washing sheets and sanitzing bathrooms was not the way I wanted to spend my 4 day weekend!!!

Thanksgiving!!!

I love Thanksgiving. I love to cook, and eat (obviously shown in the size of my pants), I love to spend time with my family and others while eating and cooking. I love pie and all fall foods... However, I do dislike the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday.. It disturbs me how Christmas decorations go up the day after Halloween and two weeks ago Santa was making the rounds at the local strip mall across the street from my house. ( I did tell Smirk & Grin that we should go over and visit him and throw turkey legs at him until he ran screaming from the mall) And since I work for the sales division of a large wireless telecom retailers (otherwise known as the fat kid in the alltell commercials) I really hate Black Friday. But there are two extreme forces at work on this evil day:


The shoppers - why in god's name would you want to get up and go to a store at 4am just to get that pair of jeans for 40% off or more??? 4am?? Is that reasonable to ask an employee to get up at 3am just be there while the middle class buy bulk underwear and candles??? Or to stand in line later in the day with those same people who have been shopping since 4am... They are not friendly or happy or merry...


The other factions at work are these guys http://adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/
While I think their message is good somewhat impractical, I do support the thought behind no shopping on Black Friday.


My boss might not like to hear me spout the anti shopping line, since it is one of our biggest revenue days of the year, but oh well... Company line be damned.... NO SHOPPING FOR ME ON THE 23rd of NOVEMBER!!!

Extreme Sport...

Ever feel sympathy towards a hamster in a the spinning wheel.. How about the movie "The boy in the plastic bubble"? Want to be like them???

This is the new extreme sport with locations popping up all around the world. They have locations all over the world, but just a few.. Most in New Zealand as this is where this interesting trend came from... But if you are in Tennessee or Europe you can partake... Not only can you roll around in a giant plastic ball, but they will add water, warm water to the inside of the ball so soothe you as you roll! Check out their site!

http://www.zorb.com/main.html

Poor, negelected & underappreciated...

Crosswalks.....So graciously provided by the city to ensure the walking public's safety. Most cities have thoughtfully provided the little green man and hand to tell you when to cross. Some have even made them motion-censored as to not have to reach down and push a button to let the computer know you are ready to cross. They have voices to tell the blind when they cross and what intersection they have reached... This 3 foot wide strip of painted haven ensures that the woman applying her mascara as she drives down the surface streets, does stop when you cross the street at the appropriate time. Is it just laziness that drives people to cross the street 300 yards from the nearest crosswalk or are they just that much better than everyone else, that they deserve to saunter across the avenue where ever they please? Are their feet too good to be placed in the painted area?? Maybe it is their shoes, just too expensive to be forced to walk in the designated area???

I just don't understand. Last evening while driving home in the dusky, last rays of daylight, I slammed on brakes to allow a very arrogant man to hustle across the street just a short distance away from pedestrian safety area. As I glared at him, hostile because not only did I almost hit him, in his dark black, albeit very nice suit, but he had the audacity to yell (curse like a drunken sailor) at me for coming to a screeching halt in the middle of the road while he jaywalked across the lane. As if I interuppted his deep thoughts while he darted into traffic. (By the way, who is Jay and why did he start this insidious practice?)

Since working for the large telecom conglomerate that I do, I have seen my share of stupid, but this group of renegade walkers seem to own a rather large portion of the stupid pie...

More on Cars...

Teens in cars... It is a right of passage. They struggle to get their license and then are off... Spreading their wings and flying (at 90 miles an hour in a 50 zone) while the parents sit at home on pins and needles waiting for them to get home....I was waiting. Waiting for the frantic phone call... "Mom, I am lost" or "Mommy, I broke your car"...But it didnt come! Smirk drove her and Grin to their father's house for the first time....alone... This sounds like a So What moment...But we live in Southern California and her father lives over 30 miles away from our little house.. So that means the child who was afraid to drive over the speed limit on surface streets and does not like to change lanes because she does not like other cars even though they were usually 5 car lengths away...

I sat on my couch waiting... Devising a plan... How would I get to her to rescue her when she called in tears saying that the car speeding down the freeway and tailgating her had scared her too much to drive any further... What could I do, she had my car, I was left with the topless BMW convertible...But being supermom, I resolved that I would put on many layers and soar through the night to rescue my helpless child. Did I need to sit and worry about this... No. She did just fine. She even changed lanes on the 5 freeway. Granted it was now past 8pm on a Friday night so traffic had died down alot so I really didnt need to be quite as nervous as I was, but more to my dismay... Her father was not nervous at all, in fact.... He went to bed. Didnt even wait for them to arrive... Just yawn, think I will get some sleep now... The girls will get here eventually... How could he not be worried... This was precious cargo...Cargo that was driving itself careening down the freeway, not used to the dangers that are out in the world. Thinking she is invincible because in her mind, she is and will never be hurt...And he goes to BED.

Smirk told me I was being silly and she was fine and this was a good thing because I should stop worrying about her and let her take care of herself... My reply... "What!! I was not worried about You, I was concerned about the status of my lovely car & your passenger...Why should I worry about you??" That took the smirk right off her face...

I did tell her with a smile that it was not true and I was worried about her... and her passenger...and of course, my car...

Why do people call cars She??

The former Mr. Amused brought Junior, Grin & Smirk's stepbrother, down to our house to go out trick or treating with his sisters for Halloween.. He also brought another treat... Smirk's new vehicle...This vehicle has now taken MY place in the garage because it is a convertible... A BMW convertible...Sounds great right???? Well... This car seems to have been owned by a very sleazy man as it looks as though the top was attacked by werewolves or an extremely angry and vindictive woman in a very bad mood that Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream with whipped cream & sprinkles would not appease! The whole soft top is slashed in about 10 places, the little plastic window, which I am sure you could see out of at one point in 1992 (the car is a 91) has several holes that look like they were punched through in a fit of agony. The car is white and drives well but you just cant put the top up. Or roll the window down on the passenger side.

Because the car had been sitting for so long, it needs to be started everyday to ensure the charge stays in the battery, and it really needed and oil change. So every day I would start it, drive it a short way, down to the school to pick up the girls. They could sit in the car and wave at their acquaintances walking down the street like the Rose Court on New Years Day. Quite fun! We talked about going to the thrift store and getting some really cool vintage scarves to protect our hair as we drove down coast highway. Just until we could afford to get the top fixed... All great plans... Until Sunday...

On Sunday my normally reliable vehicle, Molly, decided it had enough of this interloper in her warm cozy sleeping area... So she decided that she was going to taunt us and blow a circuit in her radio and heater area of the center console. Since we had a lot of area to cover and needed tunes, we decided we would take the new car on our journey down to the Ex Mr. Amused's House and a basketball game and back.. Not a horrendously long trek, but still a few hours in the car. So Smirk and I set out. So off we rolled to Manny, Moe and Jack to get the oil changed. And for some strange reason the lovely mechanics doing the oil change decided that they needed to roll down the passenger side window to perform this changing of fluids... This window does not roll back up... I guess I should have informed them, but I wasn’t aware of the situation either... And did not really think about rolling down the windows in a car to perform an oil change.
So not only do we not have a roof, but we now have an open wind tunnel.. So off we go, in the autumn marine layer, down Pacific Coast highway... The sun was out, wait, it went behind the clouds, wait there it was.. Nope, sun was gone.. It was still a very balmy 70 until we started down the freeway... Ok a bit chilly and kinda loud but we would be fine, the sun was peaking out... We pick up Grin and all of us proceed to wrap our selves in jackets.. Still nice but poor Grin is in the back seat of the car, with no window and no roof and the air blowing directly on her from all angles. But she is a trooper, she ties the hoodie around her face so all you can see is the little tiny nose and a tiny bit of eye showing. She hangs in... We head down towards the shopping mecca to meet up with the Auntie from down south for a shopping trip for Grin's birthday. We get there a bit windblown but good all the same. Smirk & I head for the basketball game..
Did I mention this lovely car is a stick shift.. Oh and the game is at the top of a hill by a local university.. So here Smirk and I go.. Off to the game... On a hill... In a stick shift.. And she asks me to show her how to use the clutch properly on a hill... Of course I can do that! I am a pro!!! Not a problem.. So you let the clutch out and give it a tiny bit of gas ... Stalled... Darn it!!! She laughs, I restart, people are honking, I stall again!! Again with the honking and even one person flipped me off!!! She isn’t laughing anymore but seeing how mean people are.. I tell her we will continue later when I get a better feel for the car.. And I regain my wounded pride... The game goes fine, they lose but she played very well... So we go to meet up with Grin and Auntie... We walk the mall, go get some dinner and then we emerge from the restaurant... It is now dark. Not just dusk, with the sun starting to sink in the west, but darn right Night time... It is only 6pm, but with daylight savings over it is really dark, and cold and even a bit breezy... But are we daunted??? NO!! We head to the Sun Mobile (we have now nicknamed Charly) and bundle up.. Grin resumes her position in the back, little nose peeking out of the firmly secured hoodie, while Smirk and I don our hoodies too.. I unfortunately need to have my whole face exposed as I do need to see while maneuvering down the freeway. We had to have looked very strange... Driving down the freeway in the pitch black cold of night with our hair blowing and a look-a-like bundled child from "A Christmas Story" in the back seat! We finally made it home and proceeded straight into the mass amounts of blankets vowing never to drive the car until warmer weather... Now the poor little car sits in the garage, like a lonely stepchild... Just waiting for the warmer days and someone to fix it’s hat... Poor sad little Charly!

Spooks, goblins and couch potatoes, oh my!

Halloween, my second favorite holiday of the year. Ok, not so much a holiday any more as much as it is a day for little people to go and beg for sweets but still it is fun to see all those little tiny princesses and aliens and other assorted characters toddle their way up to the door to have their parents prompt them to say thank you... Makes me wish Grin and Smirk were little again. But not this year... We had NO little tykes or even big ghouls visit our house. Which I guess was ok as I didnt buy any candy!

Grin went out with her friends.. She was dressed as Princess Tiger Lily from Peter Pan. Her dad bought her a very plain indian costume which I then proceeded to "Fix" with feathers and beads and bangles! All Praise the Hot Glue Gun! Smirk and her friends also went out to terrorize the neighborhood.. She was a mobster, in a very short skirt... Oh for the days when I could dress them!!! They both looked adorable either way.

I however think I had the best night of all.. I sat on the couch, in my cozy pj's and very warm socks, with a nice glass of merlot and watched Casino Royale (Daniel Craig is beautiful), in silence, with no interruptions, no questions about why does that happen or who is he or what is he doing before he does it; like I have all the answers in the world... It was bliss... And when Princess Tiger Lily returned with a basket full of candy she was happy as she had fun with her friends. And Smirk returned she was happy as she got to visit her friends... So all in all, it was a good halloween! Just treats, no tricks!!!