Technology??

Since I work for a large wireless provider, I see some strange things...But this one really upsets me... This was sent to my boss as an idea that maybe we should try to sell these in our retail stores since we allow Amazon to utilize our network... Go ahead take a look, we will wait....
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FI73MA/ref=amb_link_6369712_2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=0XS0S8AAMV4Z9XRCXPHS&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=371797501&pf_rd_i=507846

I DONT LIKE THIS PRODUCT!!! Why do we have to digitize books?? And even more, make it wireless and available with the touch of a button in minutes??? I do not want to "read" a book on a wireless device the size of my palm. I want to smell the paper, hear it crackle as I turn the pages, feel the cool cover of the book against my warm leg as I read in the sun. I want people to look at me like I am a throw back to a different time when I pull a book out of my purse, or car or bag while I kill time waiting as I usually do for my children. I want to be able to pull a book off the vast shelf of my library and remember reading it for the first time. I want to share that book with others. How can you impress that cute guy in Starbucks with your intellect and that fact that you can read one of those dead russians if all he can see is another person staring mindlessly at a little screen. I want that cute guy to see the cover of Anna Karenina or Proust! I want him to think...Hey she looks pretty & brainy, and then ignore me cuz I am not blond nor do I look like Barbie, but it was there if only for a moment!

I realize that some could say we are destroying the environment by printing books, but I refuse to believe that!!!! Why cant printers use recycled paper?? What do I care if the paper once came from a school or office that wastes thousands of pieces of paper aday?? As long as I can read the pages, I dont care where it came from!!!!

DOWN WITH TECHNOLOGY!!!! Not all of it though, cuz if you dont buy the cellphones I am out of a job!!!

The further edumaction of my spawn...

Since Grin is into the dramatic arts, I have decided that she needs to further her musical/movie education. And further since I will not be plopping down $85 per person to take her to Wicked (although I would LOVE to go) we have been watching old movies/musicals that I adore. We have watched

This was just for the cheese effect!!!

Then some good serious drama

Then some lecherous men of the 60's

Then some good war-time fun!!

Maybe up next will be The Glass Bottom Boat, Romeo & Juliet (1968 version only), An Affair to Remember, North by Northwest... They will also need to experience some of the Road to .... movies with Bing & Bob, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Anchors Aweigh is also a favorite.... Or maybe the movie all good little girls need to see..... How to Marry a Millionaire....

Things that make you go hmmmm?

Riddle me this Batman, if the US government has made the cable companies stop broadcasting in Analog and we now have no other choice then to get digital cable, why do I have to pay extra for the service???
This is what I have to pay each month.... Why should I be charged for the Digital cable service if I don't have a choice????

Cox Limited Basic 1 17.00
Cox Expanded Service 1 30.99
Digital Cable Service 1 13.95
Cox Digital Video Recorder Service 1 9.95
Digital Suite Digital Cable Discount 1 -10.25
Digital Receiver - DVR/HD 1 5.25
Total Monthly Cable Service $66.89

One of the many mysteries of the world.....

Is there such thing as too good an education??

Smirk and Grin are both involved in a specialized curriculum called the Health & Medical Occupation Program. This helps kids who want to be doctors or nurses. They have special classes and extra science classes and they have to volunteer a rotation at a local hospital. I think I may be breeding a hypochondriac or this education thing is actually working...
Grin just called to tell me she thinks she is having a stroke or has a tumor. Her basis for this??? Not severe pain in her skull or vision issues or clumsiness (That is a normal occurrence) but she the fact that she keeps smelling fruit loops where ever she goes in school!!!

Uhhh.. I dont even know what to say!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BANkMaLJaY4

Miscommunication or the need for cleaning out my ears!

What I heard:

Smirk: Mommy we are going to go get Special K. Love you...

First thought was why is my daughter need horse tranquilizers and how the heck does she know about ketamine... This cannot be good, stop ironing, run down stairs and throw yourself in front of their moving vehicle. Demand answers...

What She actually said:

Smirk: Mommy, we are going to get Ice tea at Circle K... Love you

Boy was my face red when she got back and I was ready to strip search and give them a cup to pee into!!!

Easily Seduced

My household is extremely susceptible to advertising. If a commercial comes on the telly for some fabulous looking food item, Smirk is instantly hungry... Even if I have just fed her a wonderful and filling meal. She needs something... It is amazing she does not weigh 400 pounds. It probably comes from the fact that she never sits still....

Grin on the other hand is influenced by sadness, but only for animals and small children. When one of those "send money to save ____ (insert any animal from dogs, cats, dolphins to great spotted beavers)" she wants to send in her entire bank account. And she probably would if she wasn't the biggest miser in history.

What is my sin you ask??? I am enticed by the gadgets that will save you time and money while making you beautiful, thin and productive!!! I like the garden that grows with out being in the ground.. You know the one I am talking about.. The one where the genetically enhanced lettuce sprouts before your eyes and continues to grow for MONTHS!!!

What about the hooks that will hang anything on your wall and only leave a small hole!! AMAZING!!!

I want a new job, I want someone to pay me to test all of these products.. Think of how fun it would be!!! Like the new one I saw this morning!!!!

This product looked like a travel pillow that curves around your neck but then when you press a button, it stretches your vertebrae so you look like you have a jack in the box neck!!! How fun would that be??? Only problem is that I watched the infomercial at a pre-caffeinated hour and now I cannot remember the name....

Bad Baby...

We survived the night of the mechanical baby but I discovered 2 things. First, I am extremely glad I had my children early! I could not imagine having to do it over again at this age. Women who have children well into their 40's or beyond are nuts! Little Andi had one cry at a strange pitch that made the hair on the back of my neck tingle. She burped and cooed when she was happy. When the baby would cry or burp, which preceded the cry, the parent was to insert a plastic key into a slot on the babies back. The first cry sounded at 11:30. Grin was already sound asleep so I went in and rescued her and the robo baby from disturbing her slumbering sister. Grin lumbered into my bed and we put the dolly between us. Half hour later, we were again woken by the cry. I jumped up and fixed the squealing while Grin struggled to become coherent enough to figure out what I was doing. The baby woke up every hour either to be burped (the key is labeled burp) or have its diaper changed (again a key) until 4am when it allowed us to sleep uninterrupted until 5:27am... Since the alarm goes off at 5:30 I just decided to stay awake. The only good thing was the Grin does not want to have children for at least 10 years and she has decided that she better have a good husband to help out! I am just glad I really didn't have to change 4 diapers last night!!

The second thing I discovered is that I need a new bed! I cant say I really discovered this as I have known it for about a year, but it just keeps becoming more and more apparent to me. I have had this mattress since Smirk was 1. Since she just turned 18, you do the math! So, why don't I just go get a new mattress... Two issues, I am picky and poor! I put Goldilocks and the Three Bears to shame... I have looked at several of the new mattress and am appalled at not only the price but I don't really like any of the new styles. The foam one felt like I was being smothered while I lay down... Too soft... Several of the new styles are labeled as no turn mattresses. While that sounds great, I had a concern, these mattresses looked huge! I had to almost jump to get up onto the bed. I felt like the princess and the pea. So, I am at a loss, I just don't know where to look. I guess after I win lotto I will choose on of the princess beds and try to channel my inner Royal... Who knows maybe I will finally find my prince... Somewhere... But you gotta kiss a lot of frogs!

Eggs

Back when I was in high school, the fun project of the year was the baby project.. I am sure you have all seen it.. The high schooler gets to carry around a raw egg for week while naming, and loving and journalling all about the experience of having a baby. My kids have looked forward to that project ever since starting high school and their teachers told them they would be doing it. Smirk never got to do this.. The school either didn't find it valuable or didn't have the funds to buy eggs... Who knows but she missed it... But now in Grin's sophomore year she gets to do this project, but the school district must have won lotto...

Grin's class gets to use this....
These little electronic buggers are programed to go off every hour... They cry and you have to take a key ring and insert the correct key into the babies back... Grin wants the B or E as her choice of baby... The school only has 10 of these so the kids are only required to do this exercise for 24 hours (THANK GOD).

I have two issues with this project... What is wrong with an egg?? What happened to imagination??? I had to make up what I did with my baby.. Did I hold it, what time did it wake up, what did it eat...Then I had to carry it around all day at school in its little decorated easter basket and ensure no clumsy oaf of a football player bumped into me and broke little Emily (I even remember its name)...

Granted this did not in any way prepare me for having my own children...Nor did it force me to wake up in the middle of the night to ear piercing squealing... However, I did learn from the project. I learned that I did not want this responsibility at the age of 15!

The second and far bigger issue is....GRIN CAN SLEEP THROUGH A HURRICANE!!! (I know this, as last night she was sleeping on the telephone, she kept hitting with her toes so it beeped... I got up to go find the source of the crazy beeping and found it under her blanket..Did she move when the noise sounded.. No it took me patting down her bed like a cop checking a suspect to wake her enough to tell me it was on her left foot, which it was no where near)
So tonight when she brings little Andi Royd home, she is going to fall fast asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow and who will have to get up to "care" for the little plastic encased computer? Yup, that's right... You guessed it... ME!! She wanted to do this project over the weekend, so she would have more time to bond with her bundle of microprocessors, but since you have to sign a contract stating you would pay $300 for damage or destruction of baby, and they have a chewing, slobbering beast at their father's house, I did not want to risk it...

I think the school should go back to the days of imagination and let them figure it out how to take care of the kid on their own. Or better yet, for the same amount of money, they could invite a real & baby in, pay for the mom to go to the day spa down the street for treatment while the juveniles each take turns taking care of baby..... That one would be fun to watch!!!

All kidding aside, I do like the intent of this lesson as we do have a teenage mom in the circle of friends that hang out at my house. And I would like to smack this teenage mom every time she brings her now 8 month old baby to my house at night with no socks on her little feet. But I really dont think that a mechanized baby would have prevented this child from having her own child... Maybe I am wrong and this exercise will do some good for the kids who take it seriously....